Welcome back to the Randomizer!
You know I haven’t done any specifically random as of late,
probably thanks to the double film review I did in the intervening months. So
let’s get back to the spirit of things and talk about: Narration. Yeah,
narration why not?
Whenever with one documentary or film, there will be a
godlike voice booming over onscreen while you’re sitting down watching with a
nice warm blanket wrapped around for the winter months. I have become a bit
obsessed with blankets for the moment. Can’t help it. They’re so lovely! But I
digress. Do you ever get the voice right inside your head, like once you hear
it you never can get it out? After the documentary or film is done, do you
start to notice the narration in your head when you read something in time?
There’s a number of a therapist for that, or the Samaritans. They’re good
people. You can get through this!
Anyway, in honour of hearing narration in your head and
general slides to madness, one question I would ask myself in particular is: Who
would you want to narrate your life?
Think of it like an autobiography, or one particular event
in your life. Which voice, celebrity or friend or monotone, would you feel
comfortable to listen to when they list your great achievements, your saddest
moments, the different experiences you’ve encountered, the various people
you’ve met in your life? Perhaps to go one further, which voices matches your
personality, someone that you feel can share the same enjoyment out of life as
you can, someone you can near relate to, someone you feel can match your anger
word for word when Justin Bieber is your TV screen.
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| Or on this blog page. The hate is strong. |
It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while at
least, who would be the best voice for me. Who could convey my feelings, logic,
and difficulties I’ve been through. I’ll talk about five particular voices I
wouldn’t mind narrating my life, people who I feel could pull it off easily
with the right mixture of madness and what intelligence there is my brain!
There’ll be those who have stayed with me for a good chunk of my life, people
from films, and more than likely picked right out of a top hat at random with
names on paper, like the Quiz at the Highwayman Inn on a Thursday night. Only
costs £1 to join, with a selection of food and a chance to ‘Play your cards
right’, where you can win yourself a good load of money by going higher or
lower on seven cards. If Smirnoff did shameful plugs.
Anyway, here then is a list of five random people I think
could narrate my life.
No 1: Simon Schama
Who, I hear your minds go? Yeah, I have that ability. Some
of you are weird. Some of you may remember too, that I talked about Schama in
my ‘1066’ blog last year. For those who haven’t read that yet, Simon Schama is
a noted British historian who has presented many documentaries, most recently
with ‘The Story of the Jews’ last year and just as notably ‘The Power of Art’,
but most famously on these shores for one of the most enigmatic documentary
series of all time, ‘A History of Britain’.
He was someone with a good degree of influence on my
childhood when I first watched his series on video. How he would tell you
blatantly that Edward the Confessor had grown up in Normandy (I still remember
my surprise at it), how he would tell about what could be rightly assumed the
kings feelings at any period of time, how he would reveal episode by episode
how the country become what it is today thanks to the history we have to bear
witness to. Here’s a random clip that shows his voice:
I can hear his voice loud and clear in my own head: smooth
and calm, yet slightly quiet and brimmed with eloquence that would even make a
cat wake up from its slumber and watch him. I’m not sure that’s true but I am
willing to experiment! You may have the idea that he belongs in a library with
his choice of words and frankly awesome intelligence. In one sense, you’d be
right! You can hear the intelligence just flow out of his mouth, and you would
listen to the best of your ability. At least I hope you would.
If he was to read my life story out, I can imagine him doing
some bits right, like describing ideas of people’s character and how my mind
works in relation to others, as well as fond memories of nostalgia. But the
voice may not always match up with my other interests. Like with music. Could
you match that voice up with me describing my interest in Heavy Metal? Can you
try? I did, and it doesn’t necessarily work out so well. When I hear the words
‘distortion’ or ‘headbang’ they don’t really sound right with his voice. At
least in my mind. Then again, you can’t imagine him being associated with those
words. I can’t see him as a heavy metal fan. You never know though, maybe he
likes listening to Judas Priest in his spare time!
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| I LOVE BRITISH HISTORY!! |
Still all things considered, he would be a good choice to
narrate my life, but he wouldn’t be pitch perfect. Perhaps a bit of acting in
Shakespeare might be the way to go…
No. 2: Sir Gandalf Magneto Lear III
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| Dear, as his friends call him |
This man needs no introduction. Sir Gandalf Magneto Lear III
or GML3 as we’ll call him for the day is one of the most fantastic actors to
grace the world in film, TV and theatre, as well as his active support for the
LGBT community and being besties with someone else who might on this list, or
not.
Why he? It’s not just because of his voice, though it would
be daft to not talk about. Like Schama he can be calm, but you can also hear
the tone of playfulness there in that quiet nature, the kind of joke that
flutters in your ears when you hear him speak. Maybe that’s because of his
Lancaster dialect or theatre background I don’t know. When he is angry too, the
loud booms he produces or quiet quick talking like he does in Lord of the Rings
to Billy Boyd (Pippen) are nice gems because he will make sure you remember
what his says. Again, that might be due to his Shakespearian background but I
can only speculate.
 | ||
| YOU...SHALL NOT....vote UKIP as they are a bunch of disturbed lunatics who will do nothing, but rant on about how they're not racist when they clearly are and pretty much use a alcholic salesman as their leader to further their advantage in bringing disrepute to the country. Also they thought that Westminster Cathedral in Victoria was a mosque. (Ahem). FLY YOU FOOLS! |
What made me think in addition that he could be a great
choice is that he is relatable, in a specific sense. Not in terms of being gay
but being someone different. I remember a featurette from the X-Men extended
edition DVD, where he says that he thought that he was a mutant, because he was
gay. I don’t know the specific words he said, but it’s along those lines. In
some ways I can relate to that because of my autism, and feeling different from
others because it is one of those things that may not be a minority, but it’s
still something that makes a human being unique and perhaps misunderstood at
the same time.
Reading my autism blog from May back to myself and hearing
his voice, it does work to a point where his calming nature can put you at
ease, and allows you to just listen to his voice, soothing even when thinking
back to certain people who shall remain nameless. He would be pretty perfect to
narrate my life with the opportunity given. I think our emotions and mindsets would
pretty much sync up to a tee! There doesn’t seem to be anything bad I can think
about when it comes to his voice. Although in some circumstances I can imagine
the theatre skills soaking up the anger perfectly, and bashing it out all over
the place. A little exaggerated, but still would be awesomely funny.
So for the moment, Sir Gandalf Magneto Lear III is on top.
Next Contestant!
No. 3: Tom Hiddleston
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| His eyes....look at his eyes...so hypnotising |
What can be said about Tom Hiddleston that hasn’t been said
already? He’s another theatre/film actor making another big mark around the
world and…oh I think I’ve just answered my own question. Oh well. He has
appeared on TV screens in the historical series Henry IV and Henry V and
starred in a few number of films, more famously for his portrayal of Loki in
the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Outside his film work, he does many silly things
that only does to enforce his epic nature, always awesome, always true.
Again in many ways, I can see the silliness match up with my
surreal sense of humour, as I try to make people laugh through different
connections and off-kilter banter. At least that’s what I like to believe
anyway. I think I’m also sensing a pattern with actors who seem to have calm
voices. Like the others, Hiddleston sounds like he is very relaxed and able to
make jokes in any kind of situation. With his acting ability, I think he would
be almost spot on with feelings of being upset and perhaps at some point
despair, as he did with Loki in the first Thor film.
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| What do you mean the fan girls like Robert Downey Jr more?? |
Reading some of the blog back to myself again in his voice,
that calmness did seep through a lot, as his voice could also rise in tone,
allowing me to hear the anger surging through as he speaks the words out, as he
describes how difficult it was for an 8-10 year old boy, to not fully
appreciate the situation they are in at that moment. One thing I would be
concerned about is when watching some of the Thor movie back to myself, his
anger did go slightly over-the-top in some places. Still I’d be pretty hopeful
he would pull it off.
One thing I did take into account was his age, 33. So
without meaning to insult an awesome individual, he’s not too old! I might be
25, but with only eight years difference it can be done. I promise you it can
be done!...actually I probably shouldn’t say that, yet. We may be friends by
some random coincidence in the future, you never know. Maybe when my book gets
turned into a film…maybe then. I can only stick to speculation for now. Boo.
Anyway, I’ll stop rabbiting on. Awesome actor for what I’ve seen so far, deffo
in spontaneous speculation.
Tom Hiddleston gets second place for now, only because GML3
is just a little bit more awesome. Only a little bit. About this much.
No. 4: Sir Charles Piccard
Again, someone who doesn’t really need an introduction…but
I’m going to anyway. Sir Charles Piccard is famous for three different roles he
plays: Being on Tv for Star Trek: The Next Generation playing Captain Jean-Luc
Stewart, on film for the X-Men franchise playing Patrick Xavier, and in real
life with Gandalf, playing the role of Macbeth. So yes he is another
Shakespearean actor in our midst. That’s another pattern right there,
three-fifths of the people I’ve chosen have been involved in Shakespearean
productions. Hmmm, maybe I’m just lazy.
Anyway, what got me thinking about Piccard to start with was
that he enjoys doing surreal comedy. Don’t quote me on that, but considering
the point he has been involved in many of Seth MacFarlane productions like
Family Guy and Ted, it does make sense. Also I think I heard it somewhere that
he enjoys doing that kind of stuff. I do too, I enjoy the strange world that
Family Guy has to offer, along with the random gobbledegook he comes out with
when saying the lines.
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| I think you'll find I can speak the whole role of Macbeth in perfect Klingon. It's more epic that way. |
Unfortunately, I don’t know if he would be fitted to narrate
my life. Partly the reason could be is that when he speaks in his normal tone,
he does sound quite loud. I never really thought of myself as a loud person,
only apparently having to speak louder because certain people think I
mumble…when I obviously don’t. Looking at you bro. The only way I can imagine
his loud voice to work is when I’m really pissed off about something, like
Justin Bieber doing something f***ing stupid as he always does.
However I do think in some ways he might be able to pull it
off. Despite how loud his voice can be, I can still hear some sort of calmness
in his voice, someone that might be able to push the boundaries of how one
feels and still show some raw emotion brimming up by rising the tone slightly.
If that makes any sense at all. Also I suppose from the look of things he does
give a straight faced performance in almost anything he does, like he merges
with the character and gives them, and their thoughts, a voice.
In one way, I can see how he would be able to pull such good
performances off, like being the cool even-tempered Xavier in the X-Men films
(Last Stand definitely notwithstanding). With regards to me, despite his loud
voice he would be able to deliver it brilliantly. I don’t mean offence by
saying he’s loud enough to burst your eardrums (like he would ever do that!)
but simply because I don’t see myself as a loud person. Unless I do theatre
work, but yeah that’ll never happen. I’d just freeze and cry.
No. 5: Benedict Cumberbatch
This was a difficult choice for the last one. Sadly it was
between Cumberbatch and other famed actor John Hurt. While I thought Hurt would
do a great job, Cumberbatch may just nail it a little better for me.
Cumberbatch is now effectively the main British actor for many Hollywood
movies, starring in Star Trek: Into Darkness, 12 Years a Slave, Tinker Tailor
Soldier Spy, a big mother****ing dragon in The Hobbit films, and most recently
in The Imitation Game. In his spare time, he solves all sorts of mysteries and
crimes while living at 221B with roommate Martin Freeman.
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| Also how could I refuse a face like that? Look at him he's so pwecious! |
What made me decide for Cumberbatch was the voice, deep and
smooth like caramel. At least that’s probably what the impression is I get from
ladies who would love to drape themselves over him. In that sense, it would
have reflected my emotions a little bit better, as I can hear his calm tone
rising higher as he reads from my blog, hearing the anxiety and anger edge into
the calmness, and quietly unleash the raw power as he slowly begins to rant.
Also, I can imagine him saying ‘Spot the Mother****ing Dog’ REALLY well,
without a batter of the eyes.
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| My name...is Spoooooooooooottttttttttttttttt |
Whenever I read the blog back in his voice, it does feel
like I’m listening to my own thoughts, in an obvious egotistical way. What I
mean is, everything about how he might say it sounds just about right. Perhaps
it’s the amount of characters he has played over recent years. Considering his
performances, I can’t think of a single role I’ve disliked him in for the
moment, which is good! He can deliver the right tone of emotion in his voice,
despite the calmness he shows more often than not. Maybe then he’s a great
character actor, someone who can fit into any role that interests him, and be
quite awesome at that.
So would he be my Number 1
choice? It’s close, but I think GML3 just edges it a little better, partly
through his “mutant” nature, but because his delivery is a little bit better.
It’s always difficult to compare the two voices, and see which is better, as
well as probably offending Cumberbatch by saying ‘You’re awesome, but no’.
Sorry! But in all fairness, if Gandalf was to somehow pass up such an unique opportunity,
Cumberbatch would be hunted down immediately with as much love as I can muster,
and probably blackmailed. I’m just that cruel you know?
So in final order:
1.
Gandalf Magneto Lear III
2.
Benedict Cumberbatch
3.
Tom Hiddleston
4.
Sir Charles Piccard
5.
Simon Schama
I’m quite happy with the choices I’ve made, despite knowing
how difficult it was to actually decide which ones to put in, and how deep I
went into doing this. Still, it’s in the spirit of fun to think about who you
would want to narrate your life, other than Morgan Freeman. I suppose in one
way Gandalf was always going to be at the top somewhere, for me anyway. But it
depends how deep you’d want to go down into yourself, to find the actor that
you feel personally for yourself helps to convey your voice.
You never know it can be fun for yourself to just take five
minutes to think about, or write up on Facebook to share around the world if
you wanted, depends how far you want to take it. Go wild! For me, I didn’t
expect to go too deep into this little article, especially when using my own
autistic article to talk about. But with Gandalf popping up, it did seem to
make a little more sense, to go beyond comparisons and how they can, in one
way, relate to you on a small personal level. That worked for me, but I don’t
know about you. Only you can decide for yourself, whether to go down the rabbit
hole, or just say a voice right off the bat.
It’s all up to you.
That’s it for this month. In the next week, I will be
working on a little something special for my December Edition, or at least try
to. No clues will be given in course. Hope you enjoyed this article, and I hope
you will see what I have in store next time.
If you want to read my autism blog, go to the blog achieve
on the right hand side, click on May, and voila!
Take care of yourselves in the mean time.
Randomizer out.
