Welcome back to the Randomizer.
It's December! It's Christmas time!
The time of snow (HA!), presents, good food and drink, spending
time with family, and Doctor Who (obviously). There's no denying that Christmas
can be a great time for many people, when good old Santa Claus (Father
Christmas or Saint Nick or your parents etc) comes down the chimney, eats the
mince pie, drinks the milk/sherry/Koppaberg, leaves the presents in your pillow
case and buggers off to the next house. It has also become a time for commercialism,
with Coca-Cola taking centre stage, Amazon being clogged up with orders, and
most definitely, the subsequent war of the UK Christmas No. 1. I know it. You
know it. Everybody in the United Kingdom knows it. This article is about that
particular subject, as well as Christmas songs in general.
If I was to ask you: name a Christmas song? What would you
say? Maybe it's the ever popular rock track with lots and lots of Andrex
puppies, 'Merry Xmas Everybody' by Slade? Perhaps it's the haunting angelic
voice of Peter Auty (Not Aled Jones :O) in the Snowman's theme song 'Walking in
the Air? Or the gratoriously swearing bastards known as the Pogues and Kirsty
MaColl talking about bums, punks and sluts in 'Fairytale in New York' (Imagine
that, a fairytale with swearing, punks and sluts in it? That would be like the
Game of Thrones of Christmas!). Or finally it's talking about the racism in
America, screaming "Mother Fucker", and not doing what you tell me
from that ever family-friendly band Rage Against the Machine and their
surprising Xmas No. 1, "Killing in the Name".
We are part-time elves to Santa!
These are the songs that could be considered to be truly
timeless. They are played every year in December, we sing them every year when
we're in the mood, and they can just fill us up with joy and dancing around the
Christmas tree (granted Rage against the Machine doesn't probably do that, but
hey what can you do?). I don't personally, I just sit like a child eagerly
waiting for the next present to unwrap. Duh!
So why do an article like this? Well recently I was
listening to one of my favourite new digital radio stations Team Rock Radio
(full of Christmas joy, involving I believe a Yorkshire Yeti called Dewsbury),
that there is a campaign underway to get AC/DC's 'Highway to Hell' to the most covert
Number One spot, because they never had a Top 10 single ever in the UK. I myself have joined said campaign because I
like the song and think it will be better than anything else this year. Then I
thought: What is it about Christmas Number One that is so popular? And are
there are bad songs? To go even further, why are these songs so timeless to be
played every year without fail?
As you can tell, this has been something that has bugged me
for a little while. Perhaps you would like to join me in being bugged and a
glass of mulled cider to find some answers to some of the questions I have
posed for tonight. Are you ready? Let's get down to it!
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Question Present No 1: What is it about the Christmas No. 1
that's so popular nowadays?
Like the Coca-Cola ads that have been around for eternity,
The Christmas No 1 in the UK has become part of our lives for over half a
century. It has been reached by the most unlikely of people, the most likely of
people, and even Mr Blobby. Remember him? Noel Edmunds's big huggable pink
teddy bear? Don't worry if you forgot he existed. Maybe a lot of people did the
same thing I think. But I digress.
Perhaps part of the reason why it's popular is the
competitive nature surrounding it every year now.
And this show hasn't really helped with that has it? Power
Rangers song producer Simon Cowell created the show in 2004 and since then it
has divided people into LOVE/HATE groups. But more obviously ever since 2005,
those X-Factor winners have found themselves in the running of the top spot for
the Christmas Number One ever since. Names like Leona Lewis, Leon Jackson,
Shayne Ward have reached the top spot in the space of a few weeks after they
had won said competition. How many of those do you really remember, and do you
really care? This is something I will come later. In a weird way to call it
such a competition, it probably wasn't. Those singers dominated for four years
straight, leaving other songs in their wake.
All thanks to me
Like many others, I was getting a little fed up about the
X-Factor dominating the scene at the time. So the true competition came when
Joe McElderry......................nope me neither, came up against the social
media campaign cohorts of Jon and Tracey Morter, as they made their intentions
clear of placing Rage Against the Machine's "Killing In the Name"
onto the top spot. It was one of many times that I was on tenterhooks for the
actual winner, and being overjoyed that Rage had won! A heavy metal band had
come on top over manufactured unmemorable garbage. I remember going round to my
grandparents house with excitement of who had won, and even introduced my
granddad to a piece of heavy metal history. I don't think he really cared much,
but he was in the room. That counts enough!
Move on forward to four years later to now, and look at the
number of people who are in the running. X-Factor winner in waiting and AC/DC
are seemingly on the up against each other. But in addition to those two we
have: The Big Reunion doing a cover of Wizzard's popular "I Wish It Could
Be Christmas Everyday", consisting of pop's biggest stars from the 90s and
00s , Susan Boyle and Elvis (yes, Elvis) duetting together for a cover of
"O Come all Ye Faithful", and a nice rendition by Fynnjan Leach-Verhoeven
called 'The Spirit of Christmas'.
On the outset, it does look as if it will be so ridiculously
competitive this year. But I don't know, we'll have to wait until the actual
time comes to do so. If I was to make a prediction, AC/DC might not come out on
top. Yes, it's a good song and I like it, but on the Facebook group page it has
over 150,000 people liking it at the minute. That might not be enough to come
out on top, especially against the X-Factor. It might be better hearing what
other songs will be played before passing Judgement.
In a way, we should thank Jon and Tracey Morter for how
competitive the Christmas Number One fight has become. If it wasn't for them
with their choice of Rage against the Machine, we probably wouldn't have had
the Military Wives Choir in 2011 or The Justice Collective in 2012 as Christmas
Number Ones. That's not to say that they might not have won because of the
issues raised in their respective times, but because perhaps the X-Factor has
become so ingrained in our heads and released at a time where people will buy
up, it might have been inevitable for the show to continue being dominating.
I should take back one sentence though. It should be how the
Christmas Number One fight has become AGAIN. Apparently over 40 years ago,
Slade had decided to take an opportunity and re-write an abandoned song into
the classic 'Merry Xmas Everybody" in time for the Christmas Holidays,
bringing a break-out of bands to attempt a shot at getting to Christmas Number
One. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find some information about some of
the other songs that have attempted to come out on top.
Perhaps that is what makes the Christmas Number One so
popular. Everyone that wants to do it besides those that can have the
opportunity on a plate (looking at you, Cowell), has a chance to make a little
bit of history. Having a song that is considered THAT great by fans of whoever
helps a lot to push it up, but with the Internet helping to spread the word, it
is only a matter of time before everyone starts beating the hell out of each
other to clinch the spot.
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Question Present Number 2: Are there any bad Christmas
songs?
Let's come back quickly to a question I asked earlier on: Do
you really remember what those X-Factor Christmas songs sounded like? No? Good,
move on!
Now in addition to Slade being quite the timeless Christmas
classic, there are a few more songs that everybody vividly remembers. As I
mentioned, there's the sweary antics of The Pogues and Kirsty MaColl, Flying
snowmen in the sky, Wizzard wanting it to be Christmas every year etc (which
might make some people happy (Hi Mibs), but not everybody (Hi Tasha)). Some of
you may know this already, but these songs NEVER reached Number One in their
respective years. Wizzard might have made the spot if it wasn't for Slade
coming in and stealing the thunder. Whoops.
Other timeless songs include the first "Do They Know
It's Christmas Time At Home?" by Sir Bob Geldof (JUST the first one. I saw
the 2004 version, but that was a little bit more depressing then it needed to
be), Shakin Steven's shaking song "Merry Christmas Everyone", Paul
McCartney's festive fun "Wonderful Christmas Time", Mike Oldfield's
assortment of instrumentalist treats turned into "In Dulci Jublio",
and Wham!'s own little holiday delight or little holiday depression, "Last
Christmas". I'm not going through all of them, there's so many to pick
out, one after the other.
However that is the word: timeless. I say that because most
of the songs I've listed above are generally well-liked. There are some songs
that are not that fondly remembered as we would like to think. Some of which
have never even come over to the UK because they're so bad.
Let's do a quick comparison, an easy one so to speak. Band
Aid vs Band Aid 20 (Band Aid II is not included because I hardly ever listened
to it).
When my brother Huw brought the single, I did what any
loving brother would do: Nick it and listen to myself. To be honest at the
time of hearing Band Aid 20 over nine years ago, I didn't like it very much.
Thought it paled in comparison to the original and sounded more depressing. I
know that was probably meant to be the intention of the song so my brother said
to me. But I had the feeling that it was depressing just for the sake of
depressing its audience.
Hearing both now just recently, I really still feel the
same, but different. Hearing Band Aid 20, it's not as bad as I remember it. It
has some nice bits to it like the piano at the beginning, and some good singing
to start with. But then it just went slowly, very slowly, downhill. That rap
from Dizzie Rascal wasn't bad as I used to think, but I don't know if it's
necessarily needed at all, making the song feel disjointed, along with that
instrumental bit at the end.
The original just trumps it through and through. Despite the
depressing subject matter, it's still has a sense of happiness about it, giving
some hope for a world that is pretty much still suffering. Unlike its successor
that gets worse, this song just gets better as you hear it. It has a level of
consistency that builds and builds until it gets to the crescendo of euphoria
with "Feed the World, Let them know it's Christmas Time again". That's
pretty much what it is, a euphoric song. Something that was completely lacking
in the new version.
(Quick tangent before we move in, You know the line Bono of
U2 says "Well tonight, thank god it's them instead of you"?. Yeah it
is a bit of an awkward line and understandable to see why, but it was probably
meant that if we were in the same position as them, we would be suffering too,
and perhaps it is a bit of sarcasm thrown in too. I don't think Bob Geldof
meant to offend anyone with what he meant, but perhaps more careful procision
needed when writing lyrics. That said, it's still a good song).
So that's an easy example. Let me tell you about a few
Christmas songs that are considered to be the worse ever produced by mankind.
One of the more famous/infamous songs is 'The Christmas
Shoes'. Nope, nothing like your thinking of at the minute.
Very sparkly indeed
The song is about a kid who wants to buy shoes for his mom,
whose dying from some illness and he wants to her to look pretty for Jesus when
she dies. Unfortunately he does not have enough money, but someone steps in to
help him out, and he takes the shoes home with him. That someone actually gets
a clue about what Christmas is all about, just from this one kid.
I wanted my ear-drums to go when making myself listen to
this song. I know what it was trying to do with the message, but it is stupid
and perhaps a little bit painful to get through. The lyrics are completely
forgettable, even as I'm writing this. It just tries to raise feelings of
sorrow and sadness, when it does confuse one really. Jesus isn't going to care
about the shoes, he will care more about what kind of person she is.
Your shiny pumps do not matter my child. Heaven is free for anyone to enter........
......oh wait, you're name is Bieber......yeaaaaaa you should go to Hell. Plenty of stupid people
there to meet you.
The music itself is really shit, and might be seen as a bit
manipulative as well because it's trying to make you connect and feel sad in
conjunction with the lyrics. But it's so bad you just don't care. I don't
really care for it much after hearing it one and a half times. No amount of
instruments it has in its retinue is going to be of interest and......just
urgh! I think it's fair to say it is an atrocious piece of work.
Another song that is considered to be bad is one of the
songs I've mentioned: Paul McCartney's Wonderful Christmas Time.
Although it gets considerable airplay on music video
channels, it is badly received by a number of critics, slighted for its repetitive
rhythm, the keyboard and the vocals. I agree to a point. Hearing the keyboard
bits in my head, they are quite bad and repetitive.
BUT personally, I like it. I never thought of it as a
horrible song at all. In fact, I find it quite addictive after a few listens.
It's repetitiveness doesn't bother me in the slightest, the vocals don't bother
me, I just like the damn song. Maybe being a former Beatle helped in that part
too to make it a good song. At least in my eyes.
Yeah, there can be some quite bad Christmas songs out there
if not done right, or....just downright bad. 'The Christmas Shoes' is just the
start to learning about how low the songs can go. If you want a few more
examples, let it be on your own head foolish mortals.
'Please Daddy, Don't Get Drunk This Christmas' by John
Denver. This song is a little bit weird when you read the lyrics. It's a hell
of a lot more repetitive then Paul McCartney's song, and more simple. It
doesn't add anything or better yet do anything, making it a little bit boring.
The music itself is ok and a little bit catchy, but I got the feeling it was in
like a Western saloon bar, with the acoustic guitar bits. Despite that, it's
not that good in my eyes. Just silly and probably needs to be glossed over.
'Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer'. Right now, your either thinking
"......what the hell", or "Oh yeah, that song". It's
basically like it says on the tin, Grandma gets drunk on eggnog, goes out and
gets run over, dies, and everyone gets depressed, the narrator warning that
"they should never give a licence, to a man who drives a sleigh and plays
with elves". This is a bizarre song through and through. I find the word .
Plus the music is....meh. It's not that special or anything, just....meh.
Those two songs pretty much add to how bad Christmas songs can
be (though in the case of the latter, it might've been more for comedic
purposes. Which I didn't laugh at). They do have the odd connection involving
drinking as a bad consequence that lead to ruining Christmas for the whole
family. We don't have that problem over here. We just have X-Factor.
So yes, what else can I say? There are bad Christmas songs
that are thankfully not outweighing the good ones. Sometimes it's your own
opinion on what your favourite song is.......actually this is a pretty bad conclusion.
Sorry for that. You know where I'm going with this.
Perhaps with the good songs, we should at a final
question......
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Question Present Number 3: What makes some songs so
timeless?
Boy is that a million pound question. It could be possible
that because they can be Christmassy themed or released around the time in
November/December, they need to be played at Christmas all around. That would
make sense in the case of a good few of them. Perhaps we should take a look at
how the content of Christmas songs have changed over the years.
Thinking about it in my opinion, has there really been many
memorable Christmas songs nowadays as there have been in the past?
Let's....urgh, come back to X-Factor a minute. Again. God,
we keep coming back to this. Why? : (.
The Devil's Brood
Anyway, a lot of their songs are cover
versions, with Shayne Ward being the exception. But as I've said they're not
very memorable and make you wonder if anyone really cares about the songs as
much as they do about the show itself. Actually people wonder about that
anyway. Sorry.
The charity songs as well past these couple of years with
the Military Wives Choir and The Justice Collective remains to be seen if they
will be remembered at all even if they reached Number one, despite the work
they have done and money they have made proceeded to charity. I'm not sure if
they will to be honest. Then again, they are charities so to be very fair,
reaching the top spot or being remotely remembered as Christmas songs is an
afterthought, compared to what they do for each their respective communities.
They have their moment to look back on and think "We did fucking awesome
to have done as much as we could to help those who needed a voice".
Looking at the songs we are perfectly used to listening to
like Slade, Wizzard and Chris de Burgh's "A Spaceman Came
Travelling", not only are they original compositions (Cowell!), but they
are all in some way or other connected to Christmas elements. Slade and Wizzard
focus more on the fun side with playing out in the snow, hanging up the
stocking on the wall, reindeers who have a red nose because they have a cold
etc. "A Spaceman Came Travelling" however doesn't focus on that, but
instead giving a sci-fi twist on the Nativity Story, about a man who came a
star-built space craft. Erm.......was he watching Doctor Who at the time?
I got the chameleon circuit fixed again!
Actually there is a song that isn't technically about
Christmas, yet could be considered to be memorable. Frankie Goes to Hollywood's
"The Power of Love". No point in saying what it's about. But since it
was released in November, a music video......actually scrap that, short film,
was made around the song. It focused on the nativity story, following Mary and
Joesph to the desert, right up until both parents and newly born bloodied child
are surrounded by shepherds and three wise men.
Now that song got away with being related to Christmas
because of its release and subsequent video of Christmas iconography. But if
you want a little more depth, Christmas is about love around with your family,
friends, cat etc. So just maybe that connection is a little more deeper and
makes that song more relatable then you think. Though imagine if they had
Coca-Cola hiding in there, that would made it more deeper then anything.
We are your life!
So now we might be getting somewhere! Maybe the new songs
pass over as Christmas songs because they don't have the recognisable elements
that make up Christmas itself. Especially where the X-Factor is concerned,
their majority of cover songs might be part of the commercialisation of
Christmas. But they do not represent Christmas itself. I know some people might
not really care because it's the X-Factor and everyone has a love/hate
relationship, but let's be honest here really. The songs that come from the
X-Factor do not matter in anyway. It is a karaoke soap opera that is pushed at
Christmas because Cowell knows his stuff and it makes great promotion material
for him.
It's not always about that........sometimes I get sad. That makes good TV.
Christmas in one way is the closest we have to a real fantasy
at all (without dragons sadly). It's an easier enough world to conjure up with
the snow, the reindeer, and the figure himself dressed in his red/white robe. Oh
wait sorry that's his corporate look, thanks to Coke-Cola.........ok you know
what, I'm not going to bring realism in this, because it has become such an
iconic tradition. Even as we grow up, we still keep those special images in our
heads about what Christmas should be like. Mibs knows that all too well, she
keeps it in her all year around!
That's why these songs are so timeless, because they can
bring those fantastic fantasies to our minds and bring us back to a simple
time, whether it's just thinking about the story of a virgin on her way to a
stable to give birth, or just a stocking on top of the fireplace..........that,
and most of them are enjoyable to listen to. I could listen to those a good
deal of those over and over, and not get tired of them or think they're just
stupid. And I think you lot feel the same way....
We agree!
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Well, I do believe that is it! And sadly, that is it for the
Randomizer this year!
Don't worry, I will be returning early on next year in January.
Just at the week after next is indeed Christmas Eve, Day, Boxing Day etc etc,
and I've thought about having a bit of time out to celebrate, and keep writing
my book as well. Who Knows......maybe I might even treat you to a chapter as a
one-off special!
Until then, this is the Randomizer signing out.
Happy Holidays to all and a Happy New Year!
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