Ode to Monty Python

Welcome back to the Randomizer!

You must forgive me at this moment. Right now. Because I have only managed to think of a subject last Saturday. Yes I am very rubbish at planning in advance for this article. But in a messy preparation for the 20^th July 2014, I have finally something to keep you all entertained. It's

(DONG!)

That.

Monty Python.

Last Sunday was Monty Python's final ever reunion together...And I was there. You may all kindly and without malice of forthought, suck it. And it was FUCKING AWESOME!! :D

Like Doctor Who, Game of Thrones, and Pingu, I love Monty Python. It's one of the few comedy subjects that always somehow to reach down into my gullet and force me to burst out laughing. Something that I have held close to my mind for a long time, like the cat. But the difference is between my cat and Monty Python is that the cat can annoy you. Monty Python does not. Much. It's difficult to talk about at this point of time since I've only just selected it now. So where do I start with this beast of burden? Well she's only about 12 years old I think, likes to bring rabbits into the house as a dinner suggestion, sleeps to a specific rota in everyone bedrooms.....oh sorry wrong article!

Like my Doctor Who last November, I am going to give you another fan reflection on my time as a Monty Python. No overbearing details of the best sketches, no discussion of which member would kill who given the opportunity, and certainly no mention of a bird who sometimes come up as a option at the interval for ice cream and the like. This will simply be a talk about how I got into Python, what my favourite sketches are, and....something equating to those few subjects I'm sure.

So please read on and I hope you enjoy my Ode to Monty Python

Yours,

The imaginary voice you're reading this article in.

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I first got my start in Monty Python around Christmas when I was in 2006. Or 2007, whichever year it was I can't remember. Because of my interest in surreal humour, the firstborn in our family and occasional Mr. Gove hater in life in general and greatest footballer in the world who isn't paid even a penny to play the game, i.e. my brother, passed onto me a four film DVD Christmas present. This was the complete Monty Python film set, consisting of And Now for Something Completely Different, Holy Grail, Life of Brian, and The Meaning of Life.

Naturally I was quite interested in watching these films as I had some vague recollections of Monty Python from my childhood, particulary with Life of Brian since I saw the ending of that film but I had no idea what the hell was going, despite all the multiple crucifixions and strange singing at the end. Crucifixions a doddle apparently. Not that I've tried, it's not my thing. Burning catholics is more my cup of tea with a chocolate digestive on the side. Anyway, watching the films was actually very enjoyable. ...And Now For Something Completely Different introduced me to a very long sketch show that showed the 'best of' compliation from the first two Monty Python TV series, allowing me to see the more famous sketches for the first time ever.

It's

(DONG!)

AHEM!

Thank you. It's been a while since I've seen it properly, but I did enjoy many of the sketches on show. Can't remember what my favourite sketch was though. Might have been 'The Upper Class Twit of the Year Contest' sketch.

Monty Python and Holy Grail was one of the best comedy films I had seen in forever! I must say with my 2001 DVD copy, I had thought the wrong film was being played because it started with a black and white film called 'Dentist on the Job', only for the voice of Terry Jones to say it's the wrong film and then play the correct one. Only looking up on the internet did I realise that that particular film was called 'Get On With It' in America, due to the usage of said many times in the film. The Holy Grail itself was a great film to watch, seeing King Arthur go up against a black knight, a rude Frenchman, and even the police. No spoilers of course, you should watch the film for yourselves if you haven't already. If you don't, then I declare you all legally insane.

Life of Brian as well is considered to be one of the very best comedy films of all time, and I have no exceptions. It is one of the best of course. Again I'll keep spoilers to a minimum for those who haven't seen it, but if I was to mention women with beards, a confusion for the main character Brian as a prophet, a crucifixion line-up for the day, and a man who 'wanks' as high as any in 'Wome', what more could you really ask for? Apart from that in your head....and that....and that...Life of Brian is good, watch it.

The last film in their repertoire was The Meaning of Life. ALL THE SPOILERS! There are a great abundance of fish involved, musical numbers and...the revelation of the actual Meaning of Life! I did like this film a lot, with a more darker sense of humour, more gory images to plague your mind, and with about a great logical connection as with bees to water. Again, quite an enjoyable film. Just make sure you have a strong stomach, and plenty of 'wafer thin mints' at your disposal.

So I suppose it's one reason to love my brother (among others I'm sure) for introducing me to the comic troop in one fell swoop. In the past, I had been introduced to some of the Pythons beforehand in their other projects. Michael Palin's documentary were annoying at first, because my parents wanted the TV and I wanted to watch my stuff, because for a child then, Mr. Palin was not on my list of stuff I wanted to see on the box. There was also someone named....Cheese or something? John Chedder I think was his name, who did a series called Fawlty Towers. I liked that too, but sadly is not part of this particular feature tonight. Sorry. You know it's weird, does anyone else remember celebrities from their childhood that they couldn't give a toss about, because you wanted the TV for yourself, only to realise how good the shows actually are as you get older? I don't wish to be alone on this. Comment if you want my number, we'll start a group. But enough of this depressing banter for now.

What bugged me to a point was the unavailability of DVDs to the original TV series, which as far as I remember at the time was readily in America, but not here. I was very annoyed at this. For starters, why does America get first dibs when we don't? Python originated here. The bastards! Next thing you know, they'll be tossing off the Waldorf Salad at our faces.......sorry wrong series again. However to my everlasting joy a few years ago, I saw the series was now released on OUR shores, and purchased each one accordingly (except the last one, that was a lovely Christmas present. Which I did not ask for in anyway shape or form). So I was a happy bunny. The most happy bunny in the world. Though I didn't change my name to Flopsy. Her future didn't turn out so well.

To be brutally honest completely and impeding many comments and raging Christians at my doorstep.....I haven't seen all the series in its entirety. Or the Hollywood Bowl show. Or have the records. Or met either one of the Pythons. Or dressed in a suit and attempted to do the funny walk. BUT....I have sang along to the song. That must count for something right?

(Knocking comes at the door) Excuse me a minute. (I open it up).

ARGGHHHHH!!!!! Excuse me a minute!

(At this point, you should imagine this part as a scene from a blockbuster film. I run away from my house hunted down by many a mob who have it in me, across the green fields and into a small woodland area, where I cower in fear for exactly 2 minutes and 26 seconds. Then, out of the gloom came a vision of Winston Churchill who inbued me with the morale to fight back in desperate times. He then gave me The Sword of Excalibur, and I used it to fight back in cutting off fiery sticks, limbs and heads in a epic fight sequence that would have cost roughly around 10 million pounds, so you'll probably never see it on screen. Oh well).

I AM VICTORIOUS!.......Eww I got brains down my top.

(Again, imagine this as a scene. I washed myself down and got back down to business. Not as exciting I know but hey ho. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case....come back to my place. I have juice).

Ok...glad that's all sorted. So yes, I haven't actually managed to get all the Monty Python stuff down. But don't worry, I'm currently on the last series of the TV show so that will be done whenever I get off my ass. The Hollywood Ball I might ask for Christmas this year, and for the records....I'm not really into the records so much. Only the TV shows. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy listening to the musical numbers, and proper joined in at the last show itself. But I've never really shown that much interest in buying them. Sorry but that's how I roll. As for meeting even one of the Pythons....that would be an absolute dream. Except for Michael Palin. Bloody travel documentaries. Meeting John Chedder would be *******  fantastic, to behold the absolute legend in my own eyes, and say to him: "You're a proper bastard you know that? See that's a better compliment then what Mike Myers at the show. Bloody suck-up. Just because you CAN say Monty Python is the greatest group in the world, doesn't mean you SHOULD.  Now go back to your care--oh wait it died out didn't it? Shame. (ptffffffHAHAHAHAHAHA!).

The Funny walk? I still do it occasionally, but not in a suit. Also my legs aren't very long so I can't pull it off so easily as you might expect. But I can always try dammit.

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Now to talk about my favourite sketches from the show itself..........Where the **** do I start?

Well one of the ones I really loved were the various letters "sent in" by members of the public from Series 1, protesting at the various sketches they've put up in the show. One example is after one police/drug inspection sketch, where a woman writes in to protest about the sketch, citing that her husband's age, in common with many other people, is 50, also asking for how long must they put with these things. Another letter is written in protest by a Brigadier Arthur Gormonstrop (Mrs), who is nearly 60 and is quite mad, but enjoys listening to the BBC Home service. He cites if the problem goes on undebated, going into a little rant about the war, and hippies who go raping, looting and killing.

The great thing that could be said about Monty Python is the point that they achieve a perfect balance of sketches that are silly, but also those that have a great deal of depth behind them. I think the letters are probably aimed at readers who are conservative in nature and try to complain about anything that isn't appropriate in their minds about anything....oh hang on, I've received a letter.

Uh-oh. It's from Mike Myers. It's....very disparaging. I'll put it up.

"Dear Randomizer from Toronto, Canada.

I object to your making the cruel jokes made at my expense towards my love of Monty Python and the undisputed fact that my career is over. Sucking up is a strong phrase for those who are sad people who type up silly bollocks every fortnight. I prefer the term 'bending over' as a better reference in future. It suits my style more and allows you to see what ideas I have up my arse. If you want sucking up, you should Will Ferrell on a Saturday night. Yours, Michael 'Baby' Myers etc".

Oh hang on another letter's arrived....

"Dear Mr So-called Myers,

I really must protest about Will Ferrell sucking up on a Saturday night. He is more the genuine funny comedian then you will ever be, and I will think that if you'll be bending over next time, I'll introduce you to my good friend Bricky.

Yours, Amy Marie Bayliss

Erm.....

Yes Mr. Ferrell, it has.

Another sketch I enjoyed was......was......was........bugger me this is difficult. There are quite a number of sketches I do enjoy.

Actually one I watched most recently as an old favourite was 'The Bishop sketch'. Here a Mr. Devious is sat at his desk when suddenly The Bishop smashes his crook on his desk, shouting to not move. It then cuts to a fake opening sequence about 'The Bishop', all in black and white. After that, there's a great selection of said Bishop failing in different situations to save random vicars from being blown up either by bomb babies or cannons, hung or squashed by one 16 ton weight. The sketch just gets me smiling in some way or other because of the sheer silliness of it all, especially as the opening sequence does actually repeat over and over at times, finally getting interrupted by an apology, only to be interrupted by another apology, and again. No wait, just two times, just two times, just two times, just two times (BANG)....ow. Just got hit by a knight.....is that even possible?

Anyway, my next favourite sketch.....ow bloody knight. Could have been worse, could have been the Spanish Inquis-.....ahhh! I'm not going to say it. Nope. I've already had enough trouble with being chased around by frenzied Python and Bieber fans in some unholy alliance, I'm not going to bring the Spanish Inquisition into this arti-........oh shit.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!! OUR WEAPONRY INCLUDES DIVERSE ELEMENTS SUCH AS FEAR, SURPRISE, RUTHLESS EFFECIENTCY AND AN ALMOST FANATICAL DEVOTION TO THE POPE, and nice red uniforms....oh damn, we'll come on again.

(No you won't) Ahem. Yeah I do like the Spanish....that sketch. Taking the piss out of the real-life Spanish Inquis........those maniacs from Spain, they are given the envious task of torturing people in the completely ridiculous manner of using 'the rack' (a plate rack), the comfy chair, and poking people with cushions. I wonder if Sir Alex Ferguson ever used these implements at his disposal whenever he had the opportunity. At the end of the episode where they appear, they actually have to run to the Old Bailey in London, picking up a bus on the way. Unfortunately, before they can declare their appearance in the usual manner, THE END appears, having to be content with saying 'Oh Bugger'.

I giggled ever so slightly when I heard the first few lines of this sketch at the O2 last Sunday, and I enjoyed every minute of it sitting in my little chair near the opposite side of the stage. I don't know what it is about the sketch that makes me laugh for it. It might be partly from the incompetence of it all since the characters are so ludicrous in their ways of ineffectively torturing people, and making a nuisance of themselves at that. But perhaps as well it's part of the Python charm, that the surreal greatness of it just supersedes anything. It is Python after all.

Perhaps bow I shall throw a spanner in the works and share a not-so-funny sketch in my mind. 'The Bruces' sketch.

It starts as a few Australians played by the Pythons, all of whom greet each other as Bruce and are introduced to a 'pommy bastard' Michael Baldwin, who is a new professor at their university of Woolamalloo. They have a faculty meeting amongst themselves, sharing out fosters, pointing out that Baldwin can talk about any of the great socialist thinkers provided he points out that they were all wrong, and explaining the faculty rules:

1.       No Poofers

2.       No mistreatment of the Almos (indigenous Australians) provided anyone watching

3.       No Poofers

4.       Catching anyone NOT drinking after light outs

5.       No Poofers

6.       There is NO  rule six

7.       No Poofers

I will admit Bruces, some parts of the sketches do make laugh, but I don't just understand it half the time. Much like the England cricket team. (do-dum-clash). Maybe the Python charm has a certain double-edged sword, that some things I just adore, but other things just fly past my head. Or perhaps it's the particular kind of humour in the sketch that's really off-putting, and it's a brand of the times. What I could GUESS is that it's a representation of how Australia sees itself since the Bruces are all university professors, and yet they can't escape the stereotype given onto them. Even if that could be true, it's still mildly funny.

Right, let's sort this spanner out. (Rummages through tool-box that was brought out during that entire talk, finds magic wand, zaps it out, machine starts rolling again). There we are, all nice and sorted now.

The second to last item on the list is the variety of Terry Gilliam cartoons on show. Yes, Terry Gilliam. The bearded ugly bastard director of such films as: Time Bandits, Brazil, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, and co-directing/arguing  Monty Python and the Holy Gail with fellow Python Terry Jones. I do like a good deal of his animations that pop up at different intervals to add to the random nature the show. There's such a technique to them that just feels otherworldly, yet brings a good deal of humour without feeling as if they interfere.

One of my early favourites was from watching 'And Now for Something Completely Different'. A man is in front of a mirror, placing shaving cream over the first half of his face. He then proceeds to continue placing shaving cream all over his face, then raises the razor and promptly cuts his head off. That piece of animation always has me laughing at the screen, and for some reason it does make sense too. Put shaving cream on, you're bound to lose something. Just don't put it on in a place you don't specifically want to lose. 

Another cartoon from Episode 1, Series 1 I think, is actually more of a selection of cartoons, where in random bits and boobs happen. Boobs? I mean.......yeah, actually let's leave it as boobs. Just for the hell of it. Anyway, the random bits and boobs involve two women bouncing a man around forcing him to sit up, two men hiding in a woman's skirts and bringing her down to join them (head disappearing into the skirts), only for a little girl to appear and a man appear where the woman was, and also a man's head trying to fly away from his body, only to be brought back down by a woman's arm.

My personal favourite from those is two army soldiers doing a dance to fairground music, and disappear into their helmets. Two women appear to walk beneath, and are caught by the men and dragged into the helmets. Giggling ensues, from me too. Then the little girl appears again jumping below to the sound of 'there's somebody out there'. The way it's animated is fantastic, seeing the two soldiers hopping about back and forth on the screen with just use of the feet, and then leaping off-screen then appearing again from the right hand side. But the timing too feels spot-on as the women are just lifted out into the helmets and proceed with whatever people tend to do in secret places. Frustration presumably.

The last old favourite sketch of mine is a little piece called 'Ethel the Frog' or more commonly known as 'The Piranha Brothers'. Parodying the life and times of the infamous Kray Twins, the Piranha Brothers have a good selection of different set-ups and silly bits. The way they're introduced helps with great silliness, Doug Piranha being born first, then Dinsdale Piranha two weeks later, and again a week after that. From there on in, their lives are covered with various interviews of the 'people' whom knew them and the various antics they got up to, eventually getting arrested by the police superstar Harry 'Snapper' Organs.

What I like about this sketch is how silly bits are all worked out as kind of self referring, like with John Cleese dressed up as a woman and saying that Dinsdale was a gentleman, knowing to treat how a female impersonater. Or when a criminologist appears after the end of that part and suddenly shows sense of wanting to commit murder himself, but then snaps back to reality and cites Dinsdale was a looney, but a happy one at that, ending with calling him a lucky bastard.

It has been a while since I've seen the sketch, or for that matter the actual episode itself. But after glimpsing it a few times in the last few days, and a few memories of watching it, I can say it still manages to get a smile out of me. Especially where the use of an H-Bomb was used to blow up a aeroplane hanger at Luton airport, the intended victim being a imaginary hedgehog called Spiny Norman.

I have an imaginary hedgehog too, haunting me at night, staring at me from time to time as if she is my lord and master to obey and expected to feed her everyday. Her name is Blacky (we have such creative names for our pets) and she does a really good impression of a cat. See?

She can also do impressions of a giant rat.

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Now for the third and final subject to talk about....erm....hang on I'm sure I'll find something here.

Ah, got it. My thoughts on the LAST ever Monty Python show.

When the shows were announced, it had been a while since I had done anything that was related to Python in anyway shape or form. Upon first reading of them in November last year, I took notice but my interest lacked in going, partly from family bereavement at the time but also just because it had been a big while since I had watched Monty Python or even came close to it, and my attention had been diverted to other interests. So I blew it off, until I heard that more shows had been announced for the third week in July. I decided then to take a look for any tickets still available. They were. My face went: o_o, and promptly started to get tickets as soon as I could, threatening my laptop with a machine gun to do its duty. Just another standard day off at the household.

Eventually, I managed to bag two tickets and a kitkat for my troubles and managed to drag my father (literally all the way) down to London to book a hotel and train tickets for the journey back. He was pulling gravel out of his fingernails for hours and hours. Wasn't very pleasant. Ached on the feet as well-

Sorry! It was actually the first time I had entered into the old Millenium Dome, now called the 02 Arena, and it was quite an impressive site. I bet you could even fit the Download festival site around there somewhere if possible. It might have the right surface area for the job-

Sorry. Once I start talking there's no stopping. Much. Once we got ourselves well fed, drunk and taken our seats, the show soon started.

It started off slow for me, but it got way better as the show carried on as I saw the memorable sketches, musical numbers, animated sketches, and even a special blackmail guest. I'll start off with what I didn't like first: The Blackmail guest. I've heard that every show had a different guest make an appearance on the Blackmail sketch, where different people were blackmailed into not having personal information about themselves revealed live. This man was on the last night.

Yes, for all my less then kind words on the matter concerning Mike Myers, it was actually a surprise to see him on stage, though I still swear he was sucking on lemons when thinking about his praise for Monty Python. Oh hang on, I've received a text.

'F*** you. Myers'

Charming.

Oh there's another text.

'F*** you. Bayliss'.

Nice to know you have friends in high places, at least I think that's the intention. Oh wait a minute...

'Fig off Myers. Bam Bam'.

Huh. Mib's child learned English that fast? Wow. Good thing Mr. Gove was kicked out so he can't take advantage.

Anyway, another thing I didn't quite grasp until quite late on was the Four Yorkshireman sketch, where four Yorkshire talk about their upbringings, then subsequently try to outdo each other with more outlandish tales about their pasts. I didn't exactly understand what it was going on, but soon as I realised, I did laugh myself silly at how they all try to push themselves into the spotlight.

Those really were my pet peeves about it all, not much to complain about at all. Or argue or abuse for that matter.

The rest of the show was brilliant. The nostalgia of seeing LIVE most of the sketches I had seen from the show was quite spell-binding. As soon as certain characters said one specific line of dialogue for particular sketches, I just giggled like the Black Knight (a looney) and sat back to enjoy the hypnotising display as the Spanish Inquisit-ahhhh. No. That lot of red dressed mad men came streaming through the door, seeing the funny walk on display through red lighting, and finally seeing John Cleese come on after one musical number and say simply: 'I wish to register a complaint', while holding a Norwegian blue parrot deceased in a cage.

Actually I do have a little theory about the people standing to the right seat beside me. When the musical numbers came up, I was singing my average sized, awaiting to be diseased heart out as I went in and away from singing the lyrics, while more than probably annoying the person sitting next to me. Come the second half, he had switched seats with another man, who in turn was also annoyed by me singing. Glad to say I might have ruined the show for them. Oh well, sit next to me you should know what you're in for.

Another thing I liked was a nice pre-recorded clip of Scientist-Still-In-Training Brian Cox making a bit of fuss over the logistics of the 'Galaxy Song', because that's the sort of thing he does, only to be run down by Grand Master Scientist Stephen Hawking, who flies away into space and into a galaxy...and actually made an appearance IN ONE OF THE BOXES at the arena itself! That's a sight that will not leave my eyes or brain anytime soon! Unless gouged out by a cannibal.

My last note is this: Graham Chapman.

It would have been good to have seen Mr. Chapman in the flesh, because he was a very funny and capable man as some of you who will have seen the movies, tv shows and in other things as well will testify. However in a great case of party-pooping on the eve of Monty Python's first airing, he had passed away almost 25 years ago due to terminal cancer. So the show made do with archival footage from the series showing him in his different capacities, more so famously an army colonel cracking down on 'silly stuff'. However John Cleese and Michael Palin paid tribute to him via his most famous sketch of a certain deceased parrot, by Cleese saying during a rant that the parrot had gone to meet Mr. Chapman.

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Well, I'm afraid this article has come to its end. It is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late article. It's a stiff, bereft of life, it's rest in peace, if it wasn't nailed to the blog, it would be pushing up the bin on my laptop. It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot. Article.

Out of many comedic elements I have come across over the years, Monty Python always seems to be at the top of my list for anything really. Six men coming around together to wound and maim each other over a period of four wonderful years to effectively give us many rememorable pieces of platinum that will remain in our hearts for as long as time itself. I will tell you now, if you have never seen one episode of Monty Python....you have no life until you do and you will go to hell otherwise. God sent me that message just now.

What are you doing still reading this article? Piss off and get going. Simon says!

When the Randomizer returns next month, it will appear in disguise as a feature on Irish Traditional Music. In the meantime, I should probably prepare a defence case for all those people I killed earlier in the article. You didn't think I was going to ignore that right at the end did you? Oh there's a knocking at the door. Bet it's the police.

Yep, told you.