Sunday 29 September 2013

The Twilight Saga..........someone kill me

Well guys, you know it's coming. So let's get it out of the way.

The Twilight Saga.



It's like Marmite. You either love it or hate it. I hate Marmite. But do I hate Twilight? I have spent last week sitting though the five films that make up these saga.

You all know the story.

Written by Stephanie Meyer, it is the story of Bella Swan, a girl who has 'felt' different. When her mother decides to chuff along with her new husband, Bella makes the choice to go to Forks to live with her father, Charlie. At her new school, she is told of a family called the Cullens, and takes particular note of Edward Cullen. Though they don't get along at first, Bella is bemused by this guy, who saves her from being crushed by a van and actually almost throws up at the sight of her. Bella researches the internet to discover the truth and figures out that Edward is a vampire. Eventually the two fall in love (somehow), and thus begins the journey that will change Bella forever......

Needless to say, the series has become a source of greatness or destruction. From Mormon beliefs incorporated, to the talked about abuse Bella puts up with from Edward. From the introduction of werewolves in the series, to the probable infamy of 'imprinting'. And from living with the love of her life forever, to being hated for being a poor role model for girls and women alike.

So what is it about these films that are praised and reviled at the same time? What are the main questions brought up from the series that I had discoverd? And why hasn't someone turned Justin Bieber so that we at least HAVE an excuse to beat the shit out of him?....Oh sorry, that's my personal problem. Yes, personal problem. ......fucking bieber.

So today, I will do a 500 word review for each film and ask some big questions later that arose when watching these films. Some of them most definitely will be quite buggy to ask.
Two things before I start:

One: I have only focused on the films for this article, as going through the books will have taken too long and frankly would have been psychologically damaging to my brain. As if it might not be to others already.
Two: There are definite spoilers here of plot development, so sorry for those who haven't seen it......actually, you could count yourselves lucky you haven't seen it! But if you fancy it spoiled, good for you.
Here we go, to the place where we all suffer......Forks.

Missing words: TO DEATH


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TWILIGHT:



The first film begins with.....well what I've mentioned above to be fair. The story begins with Bella Swan's move to Forks, shifting in with her dad Charlie Swan. At her new school, she makes new "friends" (I say friends in quotations because they eventually become second grade citizens in her mind), and is told about the Cullens, in particular Edward Cullen. The two of them meet and after he saves her from an oncoming van, she eventually discovers he is a vampire. The two fall in love overtime, but that is threatened by a tracker vampire James, during a game of baseball. Bella is taken back to Phoenix, where she confronts James, but Edward and the Cullen clan save her from death. At the end of year, Bella makes a choice: become a vampire.

Sooooo, what is the first film like?

The story to me is difficult to talk about. Where can I start? It's an odd story. Not bad, but off-putting I know it has vampires to make it weird, but maybe the film didn't intrigue me so much as others.
Maybe what threw me off were the characters. I have a belief that the characters are the driving force of a plot. If the characters fail, the audience is pissed. The main characters themselves are odd, in their mindsets to say the least. There are silly moments like when Edward tells her that she didn't know the vile things that the rapists were thinking, but she did say 'Don't touch me' to them beforehand (This, I'll come back to later). The same goes with Jacob at the beach when his friends said the Cullens don't come to the beach.
Speaking of friends, the side characters are bit in between. Bella's lot at school do bug me a little, especially Eric Yorkie. He is a creepy fuck. But I do like the Cullens to a point. Alice and Jasper are ok, Carlisle and Esme are good. Rosalie...erm....Moving on! James the Tracker (he had fame, money and all that you know) was alright too, he didn't bother me so much.

I suppose one thing I did like was the acting, to a point. Some of the actors were good casting for their roles. Kirsten Stewart....no. In her first outing as Bella, she wasn't great. The delivery was average, but she could sort of get away with the desperation near the end. Robert Pattison, on the other hand, wasn't bad at all as Edward. He seemed to capture the guy pretty effortlessly, but there were a few moments where I thought he was just a little bit creepy with his facial expressions. The actors in the smaller roles did a better job than the main attraction I thought despite the characters being odd as they are.

One part I did like at first was the way it was the mise-en-scene, and the use of the dark and light contrasting colours with each other. I didn't feel distracted by it at all and made some scenes more interesting. But I think it didn't work to its full extent, like it could've made most of the human characters perhaps more colour in their faces, and Bella more pale so you can see a contrast. But nope.

Twilight then, is ok. Not great, just ok. It's an average start to the series which might be a bad thing. It's one of those films you either love or hate. Hate is the more stronger word. It could've been better, but it's certainly could've been worse.

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NEW MOON:



In the next instalment, after an incident at Bella's 18th birthday party, Edward doesn't want to risk her life anymore and the Cullens leave for Forks. This goes.....pretty badly wrong. Bella falls into a deep depression, raised out by her desire to get his attention and thanks to her old friend, Jacob Black. She starts to develop some feelings for him, but ultimately thinks Edward is the better man for her. She goes cliff-diving and nearly drowns, prompting Alice to tell her that Edward is going to the Volturi to provoke them in killing him. The two fly to Italy where Bella manages to save Edward and they get back together. At the end, Bella asks him to turn her. Edward asks for one thing: Marriage.....oh, and Jacob is a werewolf. Just thought I'd throw it in.
This is the one film I had originally HATED with a passion after watching it the first time. Watching it last week, I still hate it to a point. There are some bits I like, but few and far in between.

Let's try and think about the good bits. When we come to finally meet the Volturi in person, I liked Michael Sheen's kind of subdued childish performance as Aro, Head of the Volturi. And Dakota Fanning was pretty good as Jane, despite her lack of appearance.

And admittedly, the werewolves weren't so bad either. Sam Uley and his wolf pack weren't terrible, but I don't remember them so well to care about them. With Jacob becoming more of a main character in this film, his story is pretty good in theory. On the screen, I did come close to understand what he was going through from his point of view, but he does become a bit of a dick because he uses the treaty as an excuse to protect Bella.

Talking about the visual aesthetics. The film has become more darker then the first one, with the contrast in colour more noticeable. I didn't like it at first because I thought it would be nicer if all the films had the same lighting as the first one, to give it some unique nature. But on subsequent viewings it's not bad as I think about it now. It does match the darker side of the Twilight mythos and probably matching Bella's emotions maybe.
Now onto the bad things about the movie. Unsurprising to some, Bella is there. But we'll come back to this later.

Little bits like Harry Clearwater were pointless because he really didn't do anything for the plot, just cover up footprints for the family. Essentially cannon fodder. And there is Jacob and Bella's conversation on the beach, Bella calling Jacob out for killing someone when the Cullens haven't done. Which is bullshit where one person is concerned, as we'll see.  She also wonders if he can stop being a werewolf.....that confused me a little. Why does she want him to stop?

The acting too has suffered a little bit. Stewart's acting here hasn't improved much. Her delivery is still pretty bad, but it's a little bit better than in the first film. Taylor Lautner is not bad as Jacob, but there's a lot to be desired. He does do a good job of being subtly emotional in the first half of the film, but it does go downhill after he cuts his hair and it just feels a bit off when he makes the actual change to being a werewolf. I can't comment on Pattison's job too much because he appears sporadically, but he still does a good job as Edward.

New Moon is a bad continuation, but in my mind now it has put itself on the same level as Twilight. I will come to the major issue I have had with this film in due course. The acting is substandard, the characters not bad, but not brilliant. I suppose it's worse crime is that it didn't make me care more than it should've done.

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ECLIPSE:



Bella is caught between a poor man's emo and a poor man's Wolverine, but has another problem: Victoria is out for revenge. She's creating an army of newborn vampires with new mate Riley to take down Bella and the rest of the Cullens for James's destruction at their hands. So the Cullens make an uneasy alliance with the Wolf Pack to defeat the newborns. In the meantime, Bella slowly comes to terms with the point that she is in love with Jacob, but she chooses Edward over him still. Eventually, the armies clash and the newborns are defeated very thoroughly. The Volturi Guard come at the end to oversee matters, and kill Bree Tanner, the remaining survivor. At the end, Edward and Bella become engaged and need to tell Charlie about it.
Honestly at first, I thought this was the best of the films on first viewing. But watching it the second time and talking about it, it's around the same level as the first two.

The action isn't half bad to be fair in the fight scene between the newborns and the vampire/werewolf alliance. And it's quite brutal with almost all the newborns wiped out (which does beg the question if the newborns are strong in their first year, shouldn't they have been a match at least, even with Jasper's experience and training?). And they are moments between Victoria and Edward that are interesting, especially him possibly taunting her with James's death.

And this was the film where one of the characters actually shined through to take my interest, even if it was for a good few minutes. HER I will come to later on to discuss my favourite character from watching the films.

Acting wise, I don't think Stewart made that much of an impression AGAIN. Three out of five so far! Robert Pattison and Taylor Lautner's acting were ok, though I wonder whether they could've put a little more into the little cock-fight they had in the tent. Bryce Dallas Howard playing Victoria was a good choice. She put herself on as at least a credible threat to the family, and was generally believable a lot of the time. On par with Rachelle Lafevre I reckon.

But there are moments that just make you go: what?. For instance there are some bits of dialogue that won't make any sense unless you know your history, like Bella saying she's Switzerland. I wonder how many people the films are aimed at know their history in knowing the countries that were neutral in the First and Second World Wars.

And the love triangle between the three fools could have been better done I suppose. I feel as if it could've come across as so much better and more conflicted then what was actually shown. I don't remember a point where Bella could be struggling with her actual emotions for Jacob, as well as figuring out why she loves Edward as well. Those type of questions could have made for better storytelling, but alas this is what we have.

And Bree Tanner was kind of pointless as well. I had originally read that the actress was given 'The Second Life of Bree Tanner' as inspiration, but the character wasn't focused on much in the whole film. So that was my expectations shot down.

Despite those little niggles, Eclipse is better to some extent with delving into the backstories of certain characters and some good acting, but not by much. For what it's worth, it has its moments of glory. But there are points that brought it down to being just on par with the first two films. It's one of those films that could have been better, but sadly not.

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BREAKING DAWN: PART 1



The day of Edward and Bella's wedding arrives, and everything goes without a hitch (even though the night on his stag do, Edward tells her that he killed before. Why didn't he say so at the beginning?). At the reception, Jacob arrives and is shocked at the idea of Bella's turning after they made love. He leaves in a huff, and the Mr and Mrs Cullen (urgh) go to Rio de Janeiro for their honeymoon. Not without its problems with the many bruises and jumping into the water many times, Bella is shocked to find that she is pregnant (which is impossible, but never explained why). They fly back to Forks, and the pregnancy speeds up to balloon up Bella and she gives birth soon after, but at the cost of her own life. (Yay!) But thanks to Edward's venom and biting her many times, Bella's wish comes true (aww). She becomes a vampire. ......oh and Jacob imprints on the baby, Renesmee, but that's not important much.........right?

First feelings after watching this was thinking this was the second worst, after New Moon. On second viewing......

There are a few plot points that do need to be addressed. Firstly, Bella's pregnancy. She says it's impossible for her to get pregnant but low and behold. Reading back the notes I made for the films, there hasn't been one mention of this being an impossibility, not one single line of dialogue. If there was an explanation in the books, why was it not brought forward? Also I made note of the fact that the baby drinks blood, and that helps Bella feel better, and I do wonder if someone would've figured that out beforehand. Edward is a vampire after all. Vampires drink blood. Duh. The imprinting I will cover later on.

The acting has gotten better as the actors continue to grow with the characters. Kirsten Stewart improves slightly and becomes alright. Just alright, not brilliant. Pattison's ok as ever as Edward. He does nail some of the emotions, but not all. I would've liked him to be a bit more serious with his killings in the past, as opposed to being a distant memory. But it's not bad. Lautner was good in this film. His crying at Bella's death was pretty spot on and his reaction to his imprinting was impressive. Everyone else was pretty good in their roles, so nothing much has changed in respects.

But what REALLY bugged me was the CGI baby Renesmee. No doubt about it, you could tell it was a fake and not a believable thing to see. Though it might have been funny to learn that upon learning Breaking Dawn auditions had opened, babies around the world would've downright refused to act. It is the Twilight Saga after all, they need some dignity ahead of their lives.

There's not much action to speak of really, the film is really just character development to the last film, building up to the crescendo. We see how Bella's choices have affected her body to the point of death by holding the child inside that will kill her eventually, and how she sticks with her decision regardless what everyone (apart from Rosalie, and eventually Edward) thinks. Cramming a good chunk from the book can work against you, but the pacing wasn't off-putting. Everything goes fast, but the ending point was a good point, as Bella opens her eyes.

The Volturi do make cameo appearances at the beginning and the end of the film, and were at least enjoyable to watch though they were small, Michael Sheen obviously making do with what he can. Unfortunately I don't think it's enough to save the film from going over well.

Breaking Dawn: Part One is again on par with the other films, despite being the penultimate film. This was a film that was meant to raise the stakes. Instead perhaps, it tried to raise the stakes and failed. There were some bits that made for interesting viewing like the acting, but the plot points and that....CGI abomination (I know it's a baby, but....my god) really can be distracting. With only character bits to go on, it's not worth the viewing again.

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BREAKING DAWN PART 2:



Bella awakens from her slumber and starts doing vampire stuff: hunting for animal blood, running fast, and attempting to beat the shit out of Jacob for imprinting on Renesmee. For once, life is peaceful (?) and she is happy on turning her back on humanity, saying she was born to be a vampire.....that is until Renesmee grows up and is discovered by the Cullen's cousin, Irina, and assumed to be an Immortal Child, a taboo in the vampire world because they are uncontrollable throughout time. The family gather witnesses to defend against the Volturi's 'proof' and meet one another on an snow covered field. After Irina is killed and a fake out battle by Alice's vision, the child is proved to be of no consequence. At the end of it all, Bella and Edward have their perfect piece of forever, sitting in a field and having all the time in the world.........until Blade arrives (hopefully).

From the start, the finale does have a bit of promise. We see Bella's first reactions to seeing all the little details on vases, bookcases etc. Then she talked. And it gets a bit hilarious from there. From still very bad CGI babies, to unintentional funny deliveries of lines, to very poor relatability, Breaking Dawn Part 2 does have an accidental edge of comedy underlining it.

Stewart's performance is....you guessed it, the same. Although her delivery of the line, "YOU NICKNAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE LOCH NESS MONSTER?" is pretty hilarious. Always gets a smile on my face. Pattison does bring a bit more emotions to Edward, from glee at Jacob having the shit beaten out of him, to shock at Carlisle being "killed". It made me notice him a lot more and cared a little then perhaps mostly throughout the series in the first place. Lautner didn't really do much in this movie, and perhaps because of that the acting does suffer. I suppose because his own story is complete, there isn't much to do, especially how his arc ended controversially.

One of the characters I was sort of drawn to was Garrett, played by elf king Lee Pace. He was slightly enjoyable in the role and had a sense of cockiness about him that is likeable, though he is kind of a Anglophobic. So we couldn't be friends. Boo.

The final action piece, the huge battle between the Cullen Friends United and the Volturi, can be a proper slap in the face because it DIDN'T HAPPEN. It can be sort of got away with because it's Alice has the vision to show Aro his future. But still the battle is pulled off quite well, that I've can see it before my eyes as I'm writing this. And if the pay-off is that the battle doesn't happen, it's very insulting to the audience. It's like a dream sequence that show every you just watched in a film was not real, and everything's sorted already. It's stupid and not very good storytelling.

Breaking Dawn Part 2 is then a comical insult as a film series finale, but also average at the same time. A finale needs to bring lots of threads to an end that feel not poor, not satisfactory, but when you can say "that was fucking awesome!" Part 2 fails to do that, having an ending that feels ok. If at the end of a 5-film series, this long journey, and you can't think of anything good to say, then what does that say about the film as a whole in your mind? All the bad points overwhelm the film, not allowing me to care enough for the ending as a whole. It's not on par with the four films, but below it. That in itself, surely, is a bad sign.

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That's my rant on the Twilight films altogether, showing in my mind to be just an average series of films.
So let's rant about the main three characters, and the problems raised with them all the mile, as well as talking about one character that has become a near favourite of mine when watching the series.

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Bella Swan:



Who better to start with? Bella is our hero (ahem not much) and the series is about her own personal journey of not only becoming a vampire, but staying with her true love forever and ever. But however, LOTS of people really think she is a boring, selfish person with no real personality, a real waste of space and a bad role model to boot. And what I think of the character?

A load. A fucking load. BUT! Not as so super manically psychopathic as I see her. Just manically psychopathic. What do I mean by that? There are some traits I do need to question about the character overall.

I have heard and read that she never fights for herself and is always leaving stuff up to everyone else. However, in Twilight she does actually punch one of the would-be rapists away when they came near her. She wasn't expecting Edward to come out of the blue and save her ass. And maybe later on when she sprays James with the pepper spray. Yes she's running away after that, but at least she's attempting to use her brain (what little matter there is in that head). Another point in this is.....she is in a world of vampires and werewolves. And she was easily broken by James. Humans are owned very much in the story a number of times, until they turn into vampires or other such creatures. And in Eclipse, does it look as if she could take on Victoria and come out the victor? I don't think so, argument invalid.

But that's probably the only real defence I can think of for her.

In attacking her, they are a few points that do need to be brought up.

At the end of Eclipse, she talks about how she's never been normal, always stumbling through her life and never had that feeling of being normal ever. Ever since she's entered that new world, she has come face to face with death (and never been killed to people's sorrow), loss, and pain. But she has never felt stronger and more real to herself, because she feels it where she belongs now.

This little speech bugged me at first when watching the film.  I didn't fully understand what she saying. Now I think I get what she means: She believes that she belongs in a supernatural world because she feels she has become a better person because of it after facing a great multitude of challenges. She has somewhere where she can truly be comfortable with. .....I'm on the fence about this for the minute. When watching Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse, I didn't really get much of a feeling she had become a stronger person because of the events that happened. Maybe it's because she hadn't really learned anything from being in those situations, like in New Moon when she continuously put herself in danger so she can hear Edward in her mind. Because of coincidence with the tidal wave and Alice's visions, they manage to get back together at Volterra. I guess I feel as if I don't fully understand what she's learned. If that's a bad sign for a film I don't know what is.

Speaking of New Moon, there is another point that needs bringing up: Bella's break-up with Edward. She's built Edward around her life at that moment, and falls into a deep depression when he breaks up with her. I will not deny that break ups with someone you truly love can be hard and bring you down a notch. But Bella.....Bella sticks around in her mood for a good few months. Many people have cited that this is not normal behaviour for a break-up. I don't know fully the average time it does take for someone to move on from a relationship break-up, but I also don't know if four months is exactly the right point, especially when you decide you want to be with that person forever and stay in that supernatural world as well. Seems a bit obsessive to me.

That's probably the main reason why people hate her with a passion: She's made her life around this one man that makes her world go around (somehow) and with her stubborn nature she pushes her way into this world, not wanting to come away from it, because she thinks it's where she belongs, with Edward. What she wants, she'll have.

Finally in Breaking Dawn Part 2, we hear her say she has never felt more alive being a vampire and thinks that she was always destined to become one. She takes pleasure at being something different, cracking more smiles in that film then she ever has in the other four films overall, has more control over her senses (even though she's a newborn)and able to defeat Emmet in an arm contest. So are we meant to interpret her human life as utterly boring compared to the life of being a vampire? Well....possibly. Her life could be intended to be shown as lifeless and dull, and more weird than it needed to be.

Let's look at the so called "Friends" she makes at school. The friends she makes take an immediate interest in her (especially Eric Yorke. Creepy fucker), and probably help to make her feel very uncomfortable in her environment. In the first few minutes, Eric leaps on her, Mike and Jessica know her name on first meeting and Angela takes a photo of her upon seeing her. Yeah, I'd be scared too. These guys GIVE her an excuse not to be human at all because they're all over her in the first place.

Her father Charlie doesn't really make her life anymore interesting, nothing I can really remember from the films about the commitments he made to make her life a little more better or such. But he still had his moments where he does truly give a crap about what Bella is actually doing with her life.  He wants to be there for his daughter, except Bella can't allow him to because she gets herself into problems that she can't get herself out of, like the pregnancy. Maybe Bella sees their relationship in the first film as repetitive (going to the same restaurant) and boring. With Edward, she sees a new life of freedom and love. If that makes any sense. But that's never really mentioned or hinted at in the films, just the idea of being with Edward. Yay.

Bella Swan's character can be summed up in one word: Nutcase. She is pretty much just that, someone who makes the point of cutting off all ties with her boring life and builds a new life around the man she loves (?), eager to have herself turned at the drop of a hat. She isn't a good role model for the audience at all, if she turns her back on what she calls a miserable life for one person who makes her whole (I will come to this soon, don't worry). Yes, she does have her moments of fighting back and being marginally clever, but most of that is overwhelmed by her sense of desire.  She is a poorly driven character with no sense of proper self until she gets what she wants, an obsessive child. That's what she is, a child. Nothing else. What a load.

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Edward Cullen:



Edward is the male protagonist of the series. Always trying to convince Bella to remain human and protecting her from all sorts of danger: vampires, werewolves, Jimmy Saville, Rolf Harris etc. Eventually he does turn her into a vampire in the end, and spends the rest of his life with forever and forever and forever.....until he kills her. For breaking his heart with some guy called Rupert Sanders.....honest! But like Little Miss Succubus above, he has received a number of criticisms for being an abusive character, overbearing and boring.  So Edward is an...odd character from the look of things.

One of the attentive bits of creepiness he achieves come in Twilight, where he reveals to Bella that he likes to watch her sleep, and has been doing so for the past couple of months, because it fascinates him. Many people have pointed out that this could be attributed to stalker like behaviour. And yes it can be unnerving to hear that someone you like has a habit of coming into your room. I do have the feeling that it is creepy. You may remember the sequence where she wakes up and sees him standing just a few feet away before she turns the light on and then he's not there. Yeah, doesn't that scream charming to you? He might be doing it because of his overwhelming attraction to her scent, but that's more likely to lust more than actual fascination.
Speaking of scents, one thing that did bug me again was Edward's overwhelming attraction to her blood (note to self, don't put fans in rooms where blood might be smelled). He says while in the mountains that he has never been so attracted to a human's blood before, and her blood is like heroin to him. Yes, he made a comparison with heroin. I ask the question: Why Bella specifically? Why not anyone else? He's been with Carlisle for many years and has trained himself to not be attracted to human blood, so why does Bella's blood smell so alluring? It's never explained. At least in the films.

In the Twilight wiki (yes it exists), "singers" are explained that each human has their own individual taste and smell, and those smells can be more then appealing to one specific vampire. It makes them go crazy. Now that's left me really confused. I've never heard of a case where vampires have an overwhelming desire for one specific human, just for all humanity. Maybe this was just meant to be an explanation for Edward and that would make a lot of sense. But I'm not entirely sure of this whole idea that vampires have "singers" that are more appartising, it just doesn't flow right to me. It's like drinking coke I guess, it still tastes the same anyway. Unless someone modified to taste absolutely divine.

Another part of his charming personality is his overprotective nature for Bella. He stops her from doing something he thinks will compromise her safety, like leaving her in New Moon, stopping her from seeing Jacob in Eclipse, and also wants to kill the growing Renesmee in Bella's womb for breaking his precious little human into pieces. Let's look into this.

He leaves Bella in New Moon to protect her from himself and his world because it is dangerous by lying to her that he doesn't love her. He thinks he's doing the right thing for her. And to an extent, it is kind of successful. Yes, the vampires leave town and don't make contact with her until Alice sees Bella almost killing herself accidently. And also he didn't exactly take into account Bella's obsessive behaviour with trying to keep some reminder of him in his head. So in one way, this is a case of him doing the wrong thing to protect her. By lying to her, it doesn't push her away. It does the opposite, pushing her to find a way to keep him in her head.

Another example of him doing the wrong thing is when Bella tries to go see Jacob of her own accord,  to patch things up with him. However when trying to start her truck, Edward appears and explains that the werewolves may harm her. Bella however knows that the pack would not do such a thing, especially Jacob. Eventually, Edward relents and tolerates her visits to them. Along with the fear against the pack, It might be understandable why he's trying to do: Jacob is in love with Bella after all. Everyone knows that, even the cat knows it. And she doesn't give two fucks. This picture shows how much she cares.



And after Jacob forcibly kisses her, Edward is rightfully pissed. Bella is his. So perhaps his paranoia isn't without explanation. Also Bella did say she would always choose Edward, and Edward could've read Jacob's mind at the time. So yeah, one point for each side.

And finally we come to his decision to kill the child growing inside Bella that will become Renesmee. I'm not sure I fully understand what's going on in his head, but I can guess that because he's a vampire, he's fearful that the baby inside will damage and eventually kill her, leaving him all emo and depressed again
(sooo...shouldn't he have known that vampire babies can drink blood before they figured it out?). 

Now that would make sense because the baby is obviously a vampire as well. So again, his fears are rational. But Bella somehow feels a connection and refuses to kill it. Later on after Bella has tasted blood and feeling better, Edward can read the baby's thoughts and realises that it adores both of them. So he loses all sense of hatred for this baby and loves it back. Not entirely sure how a baby can do that, but let's just suspend whatever disbelief we have left (if any). So maybe again it's understandable where he's coming from, but there might be a fine line. He wants to kill it because it would take her down, but it's still a baby. Like any baby, it needs to feed and love and attention (and blood). Such a difficult stance to take.

One final thing I will make note is the possibility of his and Bella's relationship being abusive. In Breaking Dawn Part 1, Edward tries to make Bella look at the results of their love-making with bruises all over her. Amongst this point are a few others leading some people to conclude that Edward is an abusive character towards her. In the films, I'm not entirely sure I got that argument. Don't get me wrong there are moments where I thought he's a dick and didn't need to do everything for her, but there are some moments where I do think he isn't as bad as people make him out to be. Perhaps what he needs is a good slap every now and then.

Edward is a difficult character to talk about. When it comes down to it, he perhaps should have a little more guidance in what he's doing, rather than being let out of the house so often. He tries doing things completely the wrong way and doesn't really get punished for it from Carlisle or anyone else, and he's certainly not the perfect guy for anyone to fall in love in with, especially if he watches you sleep. And maybe they shouldn't turn people at the age of 17 as well as kids. They obviously don't know what they're doing. So this guy might be a good reason to stay single, if you come across anyone like him.

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Jacob Black:



The second male protagonist of the series, Jacob has a small role in the first film. He gives Bella information about the Quileutes and says his dad brings word: There'll be watching (when it's probably more him than most). In the next three films, he develops an budding friendship and unrequited love for Bella, which isn't fully returned. But his love for her disappears when he imprints on her daughter Renesmee, bringing his story to.....a happy conclusion?  His character is a bit of a stick in the mud, moping over Bella every few seconds and is a bit of a dick at times.

His story arc begins in New Moon where his feelings for Bella develop further as she uses him to hear Edward in her head, turning into full blown love that doesn't go anywhere in the series. No matter what he does to convince her that Edward's a dick, she still sticks to her guns and remains with her vampire stalker fancy.

At times though, he does come across as a dick to me. It's when he keeps mentioning the treaty a number of times to Edward, threatening him if he bites the one he loves, the truce between Cullens and the Quileutes is over. When seeing that onscreen, I believed he's simply using the truce as an excuse to make sure he has a chance to be with Bella. And even if Bella tells him it's none of his business and it's her choice, he's still insistent that he won't let her become one of them. The problem here is that Jacob's obviously masking his own motives so he tries to not be seen as the bad guy, and passing off Edward as the evil man. But everyone to an extent sees through his plan and it does backfire everytime.

The Alpha Male thing was a little bit interesting. Though touched upon lightly and wasn't much of an journey for him (he only broke away from the pack because they would kill Bella), it would've been a little more interesting if that was looked at more, and maybe elaborate further why he chose not to be Alpha since his grandfather was alpha of the pack to start with. But sadly, we're given the what of the situation, but no why it happened. The 'why' is important for any character, it allows us to maybe relate to them better and perhaps put us in their shoes. Without the why, we're left with bones, not flesh. If you get what I mean.

And now we come to the most obvious point in Jacob's life: his imprinting on Renesmee. And there are a few issues that arise from this. Firstly, the two instantly connect with each other (while she's a baby) and in Alice's vision, they'll develop a future relationship together as she grows to full term adult. Now you might be asking, and I'm asking myself: eh? What is this strange devilry delivered at our doorstep? I have one theory that this might have been an attempt to give Jacob some sense of a happy ending and explaining how their relationship from brotherly love to romantic love. But...it's still weird thinking about it. This is all Stephanie Meyer's fault in fairness, using the excuse that it's involuntary to do so to your soul-mate. Maybe it would've made more sense if she reached full term and then he imprinted. But the fact it's done to a baby, knowing you might develop romantic feelings for the child in future, it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Secondly, what throws me off is the fact that Jacob and Bella are brought together more so by a connection, when in fact it was Renesmee unborn and Jacob that were drawn together. He explains later in Breaking Dawn Part 2 that him and Bella never made sense, but now it does: Renesmee was the reason. I think my brain just blew up.

So Jacob was attracted to Bella, but it didn't make any sense for him until Renesmee was born. His destiny was to be with Renesmee through Bella? first thoughts: kind of weird again. Is Jacob basically Meyer's fuck puppet?  This was not in anyway talked about EVER in the series at all. I'd always assumed that Jacob had developed some kind of attraction for Bella, not for her kid (wouldn't he be more likely to go for Edward? His testicles would have more than likely contained a sperm Renesmee somewhere). I might've missed something here completely, but until I get further confirmation or correction on whether he was drawn to the child in the womb, or was drawn to her in the whole series...........I'm more inclined to go for the former because it makes a little more sense, but still makes it weird.

Jacob is an even more odd character in the series. He doesn't really do much in the series that doesn't involve being around Bella and Edward, moping about their relationship, using treaties for his own issues and imprinting on random babies for a happy ending. Perhaps he was more developed just for the sake of more drama to occur in the series when really it was not needed past New Moon, and the fact that he gets a happy ending in the shape of imprinting.....it's just weird. I wouldn't go as far to say he is a pointless character (Harry Clearwater always felt pointless as you might tell), but he just throws me off as an total idiot.

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My favourite character:

Believe it or not, I did develop somewhat of a liking for one or two people in the series. One of which recently has been Carlisle because he's probably the only one who at least shows a modicum of intelligence, or whatever intelligence he's been given. He probably should've realised that vampires still drink blood with Bella's pregnancy in tow so that might knock him down a bit. But...ever since I watched Eclipse, one character has stayed properly in my head that made me think at first: My god, you're awesome.



Yep, It's Rosalie Hale. Why?

Her Backstory. It's a sort of reminder of The Bride's revenge story from Kill Bill. She had a fiance, Royce King II, whom on one fateful night bragged about her beauty while drunk. Despite her rejections, he continued further and groped her against her will, eventually raping her along with many of his friends and leaving her for dead in the streets. After her turning, she took her revenge on all of them, saving Royce for last and donning a bridal gown to be theatrical (makes sense if you think about it. Now married to Emmet, she hates her vampire status and wishes to be human again, have the opportunity to grow old with him, being surrounded by their grandchildren and not be stuck in time. The first time I heard this backstory of her life and desire to become human again, she grew on me so much more then Bella did throughout the first two films. She would've made a better main character than Bella would have done in the first place. In fact, I'd even go as far as saying Twilight should have been THAT backstory.  She's a more sympathetic, and complex character than Bella any-day.

As well as that, her desire to be human again leaves her at odds with Bella, believing she is disrespectful of her choosing immortality for the wrong reasons (which is probably true, Bella is a twit) and voting no for her to become a vampire because it's not a life she'd choose for herself. She believed she had a perfect life, in love with a man she thought cared about her. In that, I do feel sympathetic towards her for losing her life when it was bliss, such a rude awakening to go through. If she was to be human again, I would've taken an interest in looking at that story more than this whole saga.

Admittedly, she does defend Bella's decision to have the child instead of listening to everyone's idea of an abortion, apparently due to her being unlucky not to have a family. It does make sense, considering she could imagine grandchildren being around her, though she wouldn't be the mother. Renesmee becomes a kind of surrogate child for Rosalie to an extent. Despite it being a little bit overbearing, it does give her some development.

Secondly the actress that plays her, Nikki Reed, does a pretty decent job playing her (with the addition of looking hot, but that's just a little personal like). Some of her delivery was pretty good throughout the series and the expressions she does do match up with the character to make her at least believable. Granted some of it isn't always spot on, like she says some lines that sound as if she's bored (no offense), but nonetheless she does a pretty good job overall.

 Also, she had probably the best joke in the entire series: Giving Jacob a doggy bowl. That just cracked me up, I was nearly on the floor. It might've been a bad joke, but it was her way of being snarky to Jacob. She just oozes sarcasm and nastiness.

Those are some of the reasonS why Rosalie is close to, in my mind at least, being the best character in the series, despite the lack of screen-time. She is a breath of fresh air on screen from the mind-numbing of Bella and Edward's relationship, giving us a good deal to look at and take some proper interest in. If she was ever in York at some point, I'd think I'd ask her if she fancied a drink around town even though she's fictional.
For  all the idiotical things The Twilight Saga does have, I'm quite happy there is some things to genuinely like in the film, whether they're badly delivered lines, Michael Sheen's laughter, or even seeing Jasper in pain from being around humans. But over all that, Rosalie is simply divine. My favourite character.

I don't care if spelling is an issue, SHE'S STILL AWESOME!


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So I would've been putting questions to anything wrong with the series in general. But I think I pretty much covered everything that made me feel confused, freaked out, angry, wanting to kill people in general etc. But in the end I only have one question to ask:

Why, oh why, oh why, oh my fucking god WHY........are Bella and Edward in love?



It's the first question I ever asked myself when watching the first film, and it has bugged me for a while ever since. Why are these two people in love, or better yet: HOW are these two people in love?
When I first watched the film and I heard Bella says I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him, I was asking: why? Nowhere in the film did they have a proper defining moment or conversation where you could see on their faces that they properly like each other. It was moment, after moment, after moment, after moment without any proper scenes to show how these two know their destined to be together. Even watching the film twice for this blog, I could not fanthom properly why and how these two sticks in the mud are believable.

This is meant to be the gel that sticks with the whole film series, to make a relationship believable with these two characters and yet...is there really an answer as to how and why these two are in love?
Ok......let's start from the point where these two met to where they 'fall' in love.

When Edward comes through the door, Bella almost instantly finds him attractive. That's fair enough, I can believe that she think he's looks awesome. But during that day in their class, Edward gives her the heebie-jeebies (did I just say that?) and she wants to confront him about his behaviour, but doesn't get a chance. It's only after he returns that they start to hit it off (her convienantly forgetting to ask him what his deal is), and she starts telling him about why she moved up. Then he saves her life from the van crushing her to death, and then she wonders who the fuck is this guy.

When they chat again in the cafeteria, he says that its better if they're weren't friends, not that he didn't want to be friends. So is he trying to make friends, or is he just being an awkward fuck? Bella gets some information from Jacob about cold one and finds a book in Port Angeles where he's saved by him, and has dinner. There he explains that he feels very protective of her (why?) and doesn't have the strength to stay away from her. It's from this point she does her research and comes to the right conclusion that he's a vampire.

And finally, they have their chat in the mountains. Edward explains how Bella is weaker compared to him (AS IF YOU COULD OUTRUN ME!) and how her smell had driven him crazy. Bella doesn't care (even if he's killed people!) and says she's afraid of losing him, and it feels like he'll disappear. Then they go to their favourite meadow and stare into each other's eyes.......urgh my brain's turning to mush again.

The point where it turns first is probably when Edward returns to school and is nicer to Bella this time around. Bella doesn't ask him what his deal is after what happened first between them, instead just saying 'yeah' when he says her name. Neither does she properly follow it up. Now...shouldn't she ask him anyway, especially after he's being all nice to her now? Wouldn't that make you more suspicious to what he's like as a person if at first he looks at you funny, then is like 'Oh hi sorry I didn't introduce myself last week'. It's kind of weird not to isn't it?

In the same class, Edward asks why she moved up for the rain and she explains that it's complicated, but explains that her mom remarried to Phil. I don't know whether this is warranted or not because they are making small talk. But this is the guy that made her want to confront him, yet she felt the need to explain to him why she moved up. Logical. My thinking about this is whether they are close enough friends for her to think talking about her moving away from her mother. Answer: Nope, but in Twilight, anything goes!
Then we come to Edward saving her. It's understandable that Bella wants answers for what happened, and isn't going to take his lies. So she decides to find out for herself how the fuck he doing this....after a while of course. Does Bella have a brain?

One thing that does bug me is when he says in the cafeteria after that field trip: "It would be better if we weren't friends, I didn't say I didn't want to be". Well then, he keeps coming over to her and making conversation instead of doing the better thing. On the field trip, he was being quite rude to her so maybe he was trying to protect her there, but here...he's giving her some confused signals. Make up your mind Edward! Bella seems to be bemused by him as a person. He's rude one minute, the next he's all charm.

And again he saves her, this time from the rapists, and they go have a meal together (because the police obviously have enough on their plate without anymore attempted rapes to report, but whatever). He says he feels very protective of her. I asked myself at first: why? Is it because of her blood that he's not only protecting her from himself, and that sort of expands to her getting into trouble and him coming to save her? Or does he feel the need to do the 'right' thing to save a human's life? This is where it gets confusing. I know I'm thinking this stuff myself, but even if he had a reason, he still followed her unless she needed help. Isn't that stalker like, even though it's helpful? Bella didn't know he was following her at all! Yet she even says to him don't keep away from her when he says he doesn't have the strength to do so anymore. Bella is not normal or even, dare I say, weird in an acceptable manner.

So after all the research she does and figures out he's a vampire, she doesn't run away. She embraces the fact and doesn't care about his status, or what he's done, she accepts him for who he is, more intrigued with him than ever. It's how he saved her. It doesn't explain why he saved her. But she doesn't care, she's more concerned with losing him.

Now this is a point where I have thought is this the reason why, because he's a vampire? If so, Bella's in for a run of her money. Yes, she probably understands that's why he was weird to her at first, why he saved her from the truck and the rapists etc. But remember, he did follow her and gave her confusing signals, so I don't know if I myself, if I was Bella, would fall in love with him. But all of that's good anyway for her!

Perhaps then that's the reason WHY, because Edward is a vampire. From the moment she saw him, she was fascinated by him, and now she knows the reason why he's done what he can do, why he was funny with her firsthand, protect her (stalker), and makes his mind up that he can't stay away from her. For Edward, killing her was an incentive but chose to hold himself back. With the protection, it might have made sense before, but then he went down kinky territory, following her from a distance, and he can't hold back from her.

But I don't think these two are really in love with each other. For one, Bella might be more in love with the idea of Edward. The vampire thing is intriguing enough for her; she can feel protected (STALKER!) and it might explain why at the end, she wants to be like him. She wants to be a vampire because she enjoys that kind of lifestyle. Yes, I call it a lifestyle choice (suck it Westboro Baptist Church). And she does get that at the end, she becomes a vampire and basks in the glory of it. Edward on the other hand is a bit of a creepy guy. He can't make his mind up whether he wants to protect her, or be close to her due to his vampire nature. Perhaps it's more of a lustful thing in his mind because ultimately they do come together. Such sad sad fools......


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And guys.....that is it. The Twilight Saga is over.

It's been a fascinating, confusing, brain-mashing, shitty ride.

What can I say about the saga overall?

Honestly, the films themselves are pedantic, frustrating, questionable and laughable. It started off as alright to just downright incredible HORRORENDOUS. Bella Swan is unbelievably stupid to an inane point where I just want her to DIE! Edward Cullen is a stalker who needs to DIE! And Jacob needs a KICK UP THE ASS. There are some really nice parts of the film, there really are. Rosalie is awesome, the colours used for the films are great in some of them, and in a couple of films did genuinely give me something to laugh about. But they are very far and few in between each film, which is pretty sad.

I know that the books might be just as awful, but these films have nearly given me brain-damage enough. So I don't think I'm going near the books for a very, very, VERY good while. Hopefully until I die.
I have nothing more to say about this series......ever, ever, ever, ever......EVER AGAIN!
But for a couple of last words, I can say without fear or problems:

FUCK TWILIGHT!!!


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For last words, I am taking a break from The Randomizer for a month throughout October. I feel as if I have spent a good chunk on it with difficulty in finding what to talk about. For this time, I will be focusing on my book writing and get that sorted as quickly as I can in the time I have. I'm sorry if I will be disappointing many of you, but I need this time to recover ground for myself, and be able to have some time to myself. Don't take this the wrong way please. I still enjoy writing the subjects I have in mind, but there comes a point where I just feel what can I write about? And I will return in November. So don't fret my friends!

Until then, goodbye for now.

Love,


Si

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