Welcome back to the Randomizer!
This week we go back to my old favourite subject, History. The
ever-twisting turning DNA structure wrapped in stone as we use a pick-axe to
discover the truth history.
The year is 1154.
Two cousins King Stephen and Matilda (grandchildren to
William the Conqueror) have been vying for the throne of England for the past
19 years, in a period known as the Anarchy. One of them is an Anti-christ, but
I'm not telling you which one.
Matilda was supposed to have been the first Queen of
England, but Stephen had nicked the crown because he liked women making his
sandwiches. Matilda was not amused and decided to try and take the throne back
by force. At the beginning of the 1140s, she did just that, but completely
cocked it up for herself when she tried to act like a King more then a Queen.
Actually, she had the idea, just probably all men in government at that time liked
their sandwiches made by women. So that failed, and Matilda went sulking off
back to France. Stephen got his mitts on the throne again.
But then things started to get a little complicated for him:
Matilda already had been married to the unpopular Geoffrey of Anjou and given
birth to a son, Henry. Henry fancied a shot at being King of England and made a
few expeditions to England in the preceding time.
Stephen had a multitude of problems including that one: He
was not able to enforce the law, or control the barons who either defected or
warred against each other. These problems increased when his own Eustace died
in 1153. So who could take over the throne after Stephen. He caved in.
A deal was made that Stephen would keep and die on the
throne, on condition that he nominated Henry II as his heir. The next year,
Stephen died. Henry was now officially King of England.
He also won Best Small Church Building in the model competition
SO who is Henry II to us? He is quite well-known in our world,
but for a few reasons only, one of which is pretty controversial: The Murder of
Thomas Becket in Canterbury Cathedral. The other reasons as famous are for
being the father of the first set of warring brothers: Richard the Lionheart
and John Lackland. As if there isn't any more of these today. It's all
politics.
But as history likes to do, there are so many sides to every
story. Henry II is a great example of this. There's no obvious denying what he
did. The relationships he had with many people had come to defy his own legacy.
Not just with Thomas Becket, but his own family and perhaps a few select people
that came and went in his life. We should take a look at these relationships,
and see how they conflicted with Henry's own ideas and how he came to be the
person he is known by today's standards. Maybe then, our perception of him will
change slightly.
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Let's start this overhaul with a look at one of Henry II's
greatest enemies: Justin Bieber........oh wait, he's everybody's enemy. Sorry about
that.
The Adonis of Evil
His first enemy (I say enemy, more rival than most) that he
would contend with was the King of France at the time of his ascent, Louis VII.
Here's where things get a little complicated, going as far
back as the Norman Conquest, nearly four generations ago (and quite a few
Randomizer articles back). The Kingdom of England was an independent country of
its own accord, but when William the Conqueror became King of England, it
became part of his Norman lands as a fiefdom, which he was its lord. The lord
in turn gave service to his overlord, and that overlord was the King of France.
On first sight, it may seem like the French were in virtual control, but
actually the Dukes of Normandy were passively independent as they became more
and more powerful in intervening years.
But another French province was becoming more a threat to Louis:
Anjou. Geoffrey of Anjou was always increasing his power to a good point, not
just marrying Matilda, but also managed to conquer Normandy from Stephen,
bringing it into his little empire. Thus the province became an objective for
Louis to bring back under his fold and retain permanent control. However,
things soon turned a little personal.
Louis had married in 1137, who I'll be keeping a surprise
for the minute. Their marriage resulted in two daughters for them, but it was
fraught with some difficulty. Especially apparently if your husband is more
monk than king. Louis was a deeply religious man, creating the Second Crusade
after he regretted the burning a cathedral. That had 1300 people inside. Right.
His wife on the other hand was intent on living the court life and having some
kind of power, and during irked her husband during their travels to the Holy
Land, more so at the court of her uncle. Ultimately, the marriage was annulled
and both went their separate ways.
Who was this woman? Her name was Eleanor of Aquitaine, who
would become one of the most powerful women ever to live in the world when eight
weeks later, she married Henry of Anjou. Oops.
N'awww shit
For Henry, that was a political coup. By successfully
married a woman who had a good strip of land, it gave Henry a territory
fortress surrounding the French crownlands. Also with her being the former
queen of France, that must've been an embarrassing pill to swallow for Louis,
making him look a complete idiot. However for all the power he had, he never went
for the Kingdom of France. Maybe because his mother was part of the English
royal family, it seemed the better prospect to have that throne. Besides, what
kind of threat could France be in future.......right?
For the first part of his life, Henry was a bit of a clever
sod, developing on his father's gains by marrying Eleanor to get the more
territory and then becoming King of England with more land under his control. It
made him seem one of the most powerful rulers ever in Europe and a force to be
reckoned with. However, as we'll see, his future did not become as
bright........and it was definitely not orange.
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One of his biggest enemies in his reign was the Church.
Now the idea of the church was something entirely different
compared to today's standards. It was literally part of your life. Monestaries
like Riveraux Abbey were commonplace up and down the country, housing monks and
nuns alike to do their prayers, writing in Latin (still not a dead language
until no one bothers to speak it anymore), and warning people of the dangers of
going to Hell to live with Satan. People were big believers in the word of God
then we are now to be fair, and the threat of damnation was strong.
Excommunication from the church was one sign that your very soul would be
sentenced straight down to Hell, with no chance of salvation unless forgiven by
the head of the church, The Pope.
Kings and the Church have had scraps in the past. Over 80
years ago, the Holy Roman Emperor Henry IV was incensed by Pope Gregory VII's
decision to ban kings appointing priests, bishops and other heads in the
church. Only popes had this right to appoint such people, so claimed Gregory.
Henry ignored the ban and called for the Pope to abdicate. In turn, Gregory
excommunicated him. Amongst threats of a new election by his noblemen and fears
of rebellion, Henry decided to try and be lifted of excommunication. The story
is told as 'The Walk to Canossa' where Henry walked to Canossa and when refused
entry, waited three days and nights in a blizzard, wearing only a hairshirt.
Fuck me he must have been cold. After this feat, Gregory re-admitted him into
the church. This is important because the tide is turned in terms of power. By
penance, Henry had accepted the Pope's law, and in effect, given up the king's
authority to be equal or greater than the Church.
As Simon Schama bluntly put it: "This wasn't an
academic qibble. This was a fight to the death".
"I see your attempts to take power, and I raise you a church-tank. Fuck you. Yours, God"
When Henry became king, the office of chancellor had become
available and he was suggested that one Thomas Becket should take the position,
because he had a super awesome brain.
"This cross represents my brain. It's that big"
Believe it or not, the two were actually really good friends
to start with. Becket took on some of the aspects of the kingdom that annoyed
Henry, and Henry lavished clothes on his new found friend in probably a
goodwill gesture. They had quite similar personalities too, driven to do the
best job they can do in their respective offices. They seemed inseparable.
When the Archbishop of Canterbury position became available,
Henry was insistent that Thomas Becket should take the job. Becket was
reluctant, I think, to take the position as I've read somewhere that him taking
the job would cause a rift in their friendship. Henry however showed no queasiness,
and continued in his plans. Becket was first made a bishop first because he
wasn't consecrated, and the next day became Archbishop. From then on,
everything changed.
In Henry's mind, kingly assertion was to be re-created and
bring the church back under his dominion. The major point had been made that
there were a number of clergymen who were not tried in the King's Courts, but
in their own church courts. Some of those clergymen had not been ordained, but
still claimed the way to be tried just like their brethren. In the church
courts, they would possibly attain a more lenient sentence then they would in
the King's Courts, if for example they murdered, raped, and any other gruesome bit
of devilry they would've done. With Becket in place, Henry believed he had a
good man on his side who would change the church for the better. Except he
wasn't.
"Henry, stop pointing out what I was supposed to do. This is what happens
when you put friends in high places, you fucking twit"
Becket changed himself all around. Gone were the days of
pleasure and fancy clothing, now came the vestments, the food was left on the
table, and a new outlook of supporting the church instead of helping capitulate
it. He helped his bishops and protesting successfully against the trial of a
canon who was brought before the King's Court for the murder of a knight.
Henry overtime felt angry and betrayed at his friend's new
found love for the church. They had minor arguments for a while, mostly around
an idea that Henry wanted to deprive those who made such crimes of protection
from the church. Becket saw at face-level that those people would no longer be
clerics and undermining the basis of clerical immunity, eventually resisting
the idea itself.
Everything came to a major conflict at Clarendon where Henry
asserted his constitution (that's what she said) and demanded they consent to
the carefully worded document. Becket saw through this as blatant royal control
and in a piece of own personal theatre, refused to comply with him. Henry would
probably have exploded. This was the real point of thinking he was betrayed and
wanted to get revenge.
After an attempt to try him on charges of embezzlement, comtempt,
and eventually treason, Becket fled to France where he spent the next half of
the 1160s in exile.
You can see here how this event affected Henry quite deeply.
He had created reformations in the court system from William the Conqueror's
day, such as unifying local customs into one overall national system, reinstating
a jury system of citizens sworn to investigate criminal acts or claims, and
have travelling judges around the land to enforce the law, going around in a
circuit in England. This soon became known as the 'Common Law' and Henry is
usually attributed as its father. By trying to curb the power of the Church and
their system of courts, he was trying to make in a way an equal principle for
every one of his subjects to obey and follow (even if he might not have
realised), as well as bringing his justice to those avoiding the system.
On the other hand in Becket's point of view, being given the
job as Archbishop of Canterbury is taken with a pinch of salt. He didn't want
to see his friendship with Henry ended in hatred, but as a man driven to do the
best thing for his office he must have thought he could not back down easily as
everyone would have thought he would do considering he was in good graces. It
was an undesirable decision by everyone apart from the King, who obviously
thought friends would be best suited in high places. A very bad move
politically.
They worked against each other for the next six years until finally
in 1170, words ran out. Henry attempted to have his son Young Henry crowned as
co-king, and Thomas excommunicated all responsible for an act that was deemed illegal.
Fearing indictment, Henry agreed to finally meet Thomas at Freteval. There he
agreed to give him all his processions back, in return for Thomas to return to
Canterbury. According to Simon Schama, Henry had forgiven those remaining loyal
to Becket. Someone in turn suggested that likewise, Thomas could forgive those remaining
loyal to Henry. He did no such thing. Thomas returned to Canterbury in December
that year, and immediately excommunicated those who opposed him.
It's not fully proven that Henry said 'Will no one rid me of
this turbulent priest?' but Schama has another suggestion from a comtempary
source: "What miserable drones and traitors have I nourished, and brought
up in my household who let their lord be treated with such shameful contempt by
a low-born cleric?". People knew what he meant, for Becket to just sod
off. Four knights interpreted it in another way.
They took a ship to Dover, getting to Canterbury on 29
December.......and had a tea party with Becket. That involved scoops of brain.
I wanted Strawberry jam on my scones!
The damage was done. Henry's reputation reached a new low
and was probably beginning to be known towards this day as the Murderer in the
Cathedral. 16 months after the events, Henry met with papal legates to draw up
the Compromise of Avranches. He was absolved of his part in the murder. In
return, he would send 200 knights to the Holy Land for a year, take the cross himself
to fight either in the Holy Land or Spain, restore properties seized from Canterbury
or the church itself, allow appeals from England to Rome, and undo the laws he
introduced that prejudiced the church. Two years later, he came to the Becket
tomb at Canterbury to confess his sins, and be whipped by the monks. Finally
church and state were reconciled once more, just like with Henry IV.
Henry's passionate anger had got the better of him. His
reputation lay asunder to the world from a mistake he would never recover from.
He lost a close friend and confidant. Once more the church was now on equal
terms with him, even could be considered to be above him. His plan to bring a
spiritual power to heel had failed miserably by his own hand, however
unintentional it was. What his intelligence built up, his emotions broke down.
So far we see him attempting to be an autocrat, being the
one man in charge of government and state through the law, an equal right for
everyone in the land. Intelligent as he was, politics was not a strong point. In
sending his own friend to be part of breaking the power of the church, it
backfired immensely with Becket's own drive to succeed in his job creating a
war of egos between the two. It was a no-win situation with the most obvious disaster
of consequences.
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The next big enemy he had was, in actual fact, his family.
Religion wasn't the only big concept in medieval times.
Politics as well was as controversial, bigger than all the crap 1st
world countries get nowadays with their leaders and minions.....sorry, cabinet
and party members. Families of course are privy to love and manipulating each
other for vengeful reasons or whatever. It was the way in medieval times.
Here's a picture of a medieval family at table and just imagine what they were
like after you've read what I said.
Henry's family were no exception.
As I mentioned before he came to the throne of England,
Henry had married the recently divorced Eleanor of Aquitaine in 1152. The match
was a considerable age gap. He was 19, she was 30. But nonetheless they had a
certain attraction to each other. They married eight weeks after her divorce from
the French king Louis VII. She took part in administrating the land, even more
so with managing her own domains, such as turning her court of Poitiers into
the centre of troubadour life, with poetry and courtly love and manners taking
middle stage. In addition, she was matriarch to a great family dynasty that would
last for well over 330 years. For all her exploits and adventures, she has been
considered by some to be the "grandmother of Europe".
So how did Henry cock it all up? Sex! With other women.
Oops.
Henry had a penchant for having quite a few mistresses over
the years, with Eleanor keeping her peace for over 19 years, especially with
the well-known affair involving Rosamund Clifford (who wasn't a big red dog in
case you're wondering......she was a big blue dog). Until that is, came 1173.
Henry and Eleanor had four sons that lived throughout infancy:
Young Henry, Richard, Geoffrey and John. Henry (old) as per the kingly parent
he was gave his sons lands across his little empire, but forgot (I say
forgot....) to give them real authority in those areas. Young Henry in
particular was a stick in the mud. As I mentioned,
he was crowned co-king in 1170, but like his lands he had no real power. Also
he was having to go to Old Henry for money. A lot. It's possible that Eleanor
might have had a hand in "suggesting" to Young Henry that his father was
keeping him out of the way.
Why Henry decided not to give any real authority and power to
his sons, it's difficult to uncover. Perhaps it's because he liked to be in
control of everything and could control things from his hand more easily then
if he spread his power to certain people around his lands. Good idea in theory,
but maybe again not politically sound. If his sons don't have any proper
authority to have, it might make them seem weak and still look like they're not
ready for due responsibilities. But of course I am spectulating, so don't take
my words for granted. Yet.
Finally, things came to ahead when Young Henry disagreed
over lands considered being given to his younger brother John at Geoffrey's
expense, and allied with his father's old enemy, Louis of France. The Great
Revolt as it was called lasted for over a year, and Old Henry managed to push
back and defeat his sons, despite his dealings with the Becket problem. All the
sons involved were forgiven. Eleanor was not, finding herself promptly in prison
for the rest of her husband's natural life.
"Dear Diary.......fuck"
A decade passed without much trouble, except for the
succession to Henry's throne. Young Henry died of dysentery while fighting his
brother Richard, and Geoffrey found himself under a horse. Louis himself had
died as well. Henry might have been a little bit joyful I guess. But Louis's
son was a little bit more of a master manipulator at politics, and perhaps
family matters.
Henry tried to give some land to John finally (he was given
the name Lackland because he was unlikely to receive anything for being the
youngest), namely Aquitaine. But the land was in Richard's procession, and he
was unwilling to give it up. The new French King, Phillip Augustus, was all too
happy to place family members against each other, playing up the idea that
Richard's fiancé was taken by Henry. Richard came to Paris and joined forces
with Phillip. Henry begged for him to come back, which Richard did so.
With Richard being the heir to the throne, why did Henry
choose to give John Aquitaine? With Richard being in line to be in control of
an empire, it might have been possible that John must have something that would
be worth a damn in future. His own mother's land would be a good enticement to
pass on. Richard however, had grown attached to the province, resulting in his
refusal to back down. This problem would eventually come back to bite Henry
earlier than he anticipated.
Henry and Phillip went to war against each other with
Richard caught in the middle. Once more, Phillip played on Richard's fears with
Aquitaine being placed into John's care, and the two became close again. This
time, Henry refused to acknowledge him as his heir, and Richard pledged homage
to Phillip, including every inch of Angevin land. In June and July 1189, the
duo had the upper hand against Henry, who was becoming more ill.
On 4th July, Henry near death was forced to accept
a peace to humble him. When he seemingly embraced Richard in a hug of peace,
it's rumoured that he said "May God spare me, long enough to take revenge
on you". One thing he promised was an amnesty to those who had worked
against him, and he asked to see a list of who needed pardon. To his shock, the
first on the list, was John. It was the ultimate treachery paid to him. Maybe
memories of Becket came back to his mind.
Henry died two days later at the castle of his ancestors,
Chinon. Only his illegitimate son, also named Geoffrey, was at his side.
"The others are the real bastards", so he said.
I stand by my statement. Richard may be at the foot of my tomb, but he's still a bastard.
So you see, the relationships he had between his wife and
sons were not good.
His relationship with Eleanor completely fell to pieces
because of his amorality to honour in his marriage, having it off with many
mistresses at a time and having more children by his hand in addition to the
eight he had with Eleanor. I suppose the idea was that he liked sex a lot, he
could do things his way because he was the King of England. His marriage as
well could have been seen to be more political rather than pure affection for
one and other, as has been done repeatedly over the centuries, like with Henry
VIII and Catherine of Aragorn. But Eleanor must have loved him very much to be
hurt and turned against him in such the manner she did.
Subsequently, his relationships with all his sons were all
problematic, turning to complete disasters when he died. Dividing the empire
between his sons without any power onto them was bad enough, but the conflicts
rising from who to give land to pretty much turned three of them against Henry.
Only his youngest John remained steadfastly loyal, at least in the revolt of
1173. Each son had their own piece that most were unwilling to let pass or
disagree to uphold their father's ideas and rebelled against him.
Perhaps it was an equality problem again, coupled with the
fact that the sons were not going to budge. In trying to give John some decent
inheritance, he incurred the wrath of Young Henry and Richard for attempting to
do so. Maybe they thought John was a bit of a git as well, who knows? In the
end, it all fell back onto his face and he had to accept that humbling peace
before Richard. Thinking about this part as a no-win situation again, only the
war at the end of Henry's life was just that. Trying for the best intentions
for his son, he ended up pushing everyone away.
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So at the end, who was Henry II?
In his early life he was quite acute at gaining land through
the legal system, marrying Eleanor and becoming greater then his liege overlord
in that respect. Unfortunately, as he went on he become less the politician and
more taking things to heart, especially with Becket and his family in later
life. He liked to work through the law so he could try and come out on top a
number of times, especially through his wrangling with the church. He was
probably better suited among his courts, working to make sure no one was above
his judgement.
His war against the church was a disaster as ultimately he
had to undo all the changes he made after Becket's death. But it was a disaster
the moment he gave Becket the post. Two egos playing against each other
destroyed the dear friendship they once had. Only Becket had some reservations
about taking the post because he knew that he might have to work against him.
Henry was too passionate and not a very good listener. Maybe he liked turning
his music up a bit. I read he was quite keen on Rihanna.
You're my oldest fan? Awesome. Yes, I'll sign your parchment. "To Henry. Keep up the good work.
Hope to see you soon. Rihanna
His family life was probably more political than most, he
came to finally treat his wife and almost all his sons with utter comtempt,
which all came from his own mind. So he was a bit of a tit. If he hadn't been
getting off with other women, Eleanor would've been less likely to encourage
her sons to revolt against their father in the first place. In addition, if he
had given his sons some sort of power instead of honorary positions, they in
turn would have been more grateful and respectful towards his person.
Final words: He comes across as a person who tried to do
things his own way, wanted a realm loyal only to him and no-one else. But in
assuming he could do so, he pretty much was walking over burning coal with his
very life and reputation. He had some ideas that we would most definitely have
thought modern, especially with our legal system, but ultimately that will
probably be his only good thing. The other parts are the real game-changers.
".....Maybe I should've stuck to model building...."
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That's it for this week. My mini-review for The Day of the
Doctor is down below. As usual, there will be spoilers. If you're not interested,
I'll see you all next time!
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Day of the Doctor Mini-Special
Guys.......what do I say? I think it was fantastic!
Fantastic!
Where do I start?
The story itself is pretty good. Seeing how Matt Smith and
Clara got roped into a situation with UNIT (United Nations Intelligence Taskforce)
and eventually meeting his other selves for the 'moment', the point in time
that wiped out Gallifrey off the universe, was a well done set-up. We know the
stakes involved, how it has actually changed the Doctor as a person and how he
really sees himself (literally).
Seeing the main three Doctors on show for all was brilliant,
especially John Hurt as the 'War Doctor'. I really liked the character which
was probably down to Hurt's brilliant performance, portraying a character that
was tired, extremist, caring, and very funny overall. Even if his appearance
was probably the shortest or second shortest in the entire series, I would
count him as one of my favourite. Just as long as he doesn't meet any other
certain aliens in the universe.
"What's this on the screen.....facehugger.......Maybe not. Last time
I met one, I was pregnant. The birth wasn't very good"
Matt Smith and David Tennant together on-screen was an
interesting pairing to see. You'll remember when I wonder what the on-screen
differences would be between the two. I'll admit there were some notable
differences, with Tennant being the one to regret and wondering what his future
would be like, while Smith is the one to forget and keeping his secrets close
to the chest. They did bicker at each other quite a bit which genuinely made me
laugh out loud! Especially with Tennant's attendancy to be......kissable.
Just switching to attractive mode........ok. Hello Ladies!
The overall end to it all was a gem. Seeing all the Doctors on-screen
(yes, ALL of them) was a very good sight to see, showing the deep history this
show has and how it intends to carry on. Unfortunately, Christopher Eccleston
did not make a full-on appearance. Only using footage from his time and as part
of the regeneration sequence for John Hurt. But what really had me going :D was
the appearance of a certain Tom Baker. That is just.....UHDYAGFUSUFVUHSHYSGAHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Though I have to admit, seeing all the Doctors at the end was slightly
off-putting because you could really tell they were using fakes to do that, but
that's really a minor issue with me.
I think what made the special more exciting was I actually
managed to view it in the cinema. The number of people that came to see it
really astonished me, how we all applauded at the start and how we all gushed
and oooohed at what happened, it was quite the great experience that I don't think
will ever happen again in my lifetime, or at the least, a very long while. The
last time I saw a great majority of people in the cinema was for the film
'Paul' and that was so many years ago.
'The Day of the Doctor' was an absolute god-send to watch given
the chance to experience it live. And I don't think I will be forgetting it
anytime soon...........
Shag, marry or kill?
One last picture: Clara with the motorbike. Because......it's Clara with the motorbike. Nothing wrong with that. Honest!
